IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Many people today would argue that cinemas are becoming irrelevant due to new streaming services. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #cinemas #services
In
this
 contemporary epoch, due to advancements in technologies, lots of media services have arrived in the market and because of
this
Add a comma
,this
show examples
 some believe that
cinemas
 are becoming irrelevant. I totally agree with the given statement that says due to new streaming services the value of
cinemas
 is going downward. To commence with, technology has improved a way better than past so
people
 have started watching films on their mobile phones and laptops, to add to it, new streaming platforms
also
 known as over-the-top(OTT) media
service
Fix the agreement mistake
services
show examples
 like Netflix, Amazon`s prime, Hotstar and many more which provides
movies
 with just small
subscriprion
Correct your spelling
subscription
 charges, they
also
 provide annual subscriptions, in which one just have to pay once and they can have full streaming
experience
 at home.
Additionally
, youngsters are more connected to web series, which contains multiple episodes and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
only can be displayed on OTT platforms due to
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 long and multiple episodes.
In addition
, these streaming services provide other facilities like sports,
movies
,
webseries
Correct your spelling
web series
, serials, art shows in just one subscription so it can be very convenient and cost-effective than
cinemas
.
Moreover
,
people
 can watch
movies
 and other content
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 any device and at any
timem
Correct your spelling
time
, while
cinemas
 have different timestamps in which
movies
 are displayed.
Furthermore
, some
people
 are still going
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
cinemas
 for
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 movie and
also
 to have a big screen
experience
, which cannot be provided by new streaming platforms, and
also
 the sound
experience
 is
also
 concerned where
people
 get surrounding sound
experience
 in
cinemas
 and individuals feels great while watching
movie
Add an article
a movie
the movie
show examples
. In conclusion, one can enjoy
movies
 at home with their families or friends and not just
movies
other
Correct word choice
but other
show examples
 content
also
 and
this
 is the reason, why the cinema's popularity dropping day by day but it has not become irrelevant because of its
experience
 of sound and
big
Add an article
the big
show examples
 picture.
Submitted by rahulgpatel19 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: