IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #crime #prison #sentences #alternative
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Nowadays, the proportion of
crime
Use synonyms
 is higher. Some people hold that
prison
Use synonyms
 is the best choice that can decrease the number of crimes. I partly agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement. In
this
Linking Words
 essay,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 am going to cite some compelling reasons. 
Firstly
Linking Words
, a large number of criminals in society leads to
menaces
Fix the agreement mistake
menace
show examples
. For someone who has a criminal record, the rate they do it again is high and
danger
Replace the word
dangerous
show examples
 for people. So, a place which makes for a memorable experience is more
need
Replace the word
needed
show examples
 than ever. It helps them
drawing
Wrong verb form
draw
show examples
 a clear lecture be instilled correct moral
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
prison
Change the article
a prison
show examples
 is a place
that
Correct word choice
where
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 the system of punishment is created, and they can regret
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
what they did before.
For example
Linking Words
, genocide is separated from
society
Add an article
a society
the society
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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ensure
Change the verb form
ensures
show examples
 citizens live in peace. 
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the opening of
prison
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is become
Change to the active voice
becomes
has become
show examples
 a burden
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the economy and education too. Some of
crimes
Add an article
the crimes
show examples
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
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 met a light sentence
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 are the
bread-winter
Correct your spelling
breadwinter
show examples
, so their family does not have enough money to bring up their children,
result
Wrong verb form
resulting
show examples
 in their children
commit
Wrong verb form
committing
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crime
Use synonyms
 too.
Besides
Linking Words
 that, the fee to pay for the jailer, cleaner,
food
Correct word choice
and food
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 is the important reason that
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 the
prison
Use synonyms
 become ineffective
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because we need to pay the tax for
Use synonyms
crime
Add an article
the crime
a crime
show examples
.  In conclusion, it has both aspect disadvantage and
advantage
Change the verb form
advantages
show examples
. And I think each nation has
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 own reason, and
Use synonyms
Prison'
Change noun form
Prison's
show examples
 opening
is belonged
Change to the active voice
belongs
has belonged
show examples
 to the rate of
crime
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by trancaomaitrang on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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