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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some children spend hours every day on smartphones. Why is this? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

The widespread use of smart gadgets is appealing to adolescents these days
as a result
Linking Words
 of globalization.
Moreover
Linking Words
,it can provide them with
virtual
Add an article
the virtual
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 atmosphere they dream
.
Change preposition
of .
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 There are a vast number of merits and demerits associated with
this
Linking Words
trend
Use synonyms
 has become a controversial debate.I think the drawbacks of overusing
smartphones
Use synonyms
 by
children
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as sleep deprivation and lack of concentration outweigh
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
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 including being up to date or learning new things through
out
Change preposition
apply
show examples
social media.
As a result
Linking Words
 of
modernization
Add a comma
,modernization
show examples
smartphones
Use synonyms
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 become a significant element in people’s lives and parents mostly find their
children
Use synonyms
 completely gripped by
smartphones
Use synonyms
. Because they want to keep up with
latest
Correct article usage
the latest
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 information and trans throughout using their
phones
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
,
children
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 have more inclination towards being engaged by their
smartphones
Use synonyms
phones
Use synonyms
 which make a virtual atmosphere for them where they can find it easy to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 their desire.
For example
Linking Words
,
children
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 who have a sense of depression can meet their need to uplift their spirits by surfing
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the Internet or playing a game via their
smartphones
Use synonyms
. There are many disadvantages related to
this
Linking Words
trend
Use synonyms
 most important of which are sleep deprivation and shortage of adequate concentration.
Children
Use synonyms
 who are always gripped by
smartphones
Use synonyms
 may well be awake after midnight which definitely leads to sleep deprivation.
Also
Linking Words
, as they spend most of their
time
Use synonyms
 on online apps , they find it difficult to concentrate on their lessons because they are always working on their mobiles or even thinking about the apps they use on a regular basis.
For example
Linking Words
, there is perfectly
proofed
Replace the word
proven
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 evidence that
children
Use synonyms
 who have easy and unrestricted access to their
phones
Use synonyms
 24 hours a day, get
lower
Add an article
a lower
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mark
Fix the agreement mistake
marks
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 in their exams compared with ones who are permitted to spend
limited
Add an article
a limited
the limited
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 amount of
time
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 virtual space .
Although
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
trend
Use synonyms
 brings about many advantages
such
Linking Words
 as being up
to date
Add a hyphen
to-date
show examples
 and
acquire
Wrong verb form
acquiring
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 new knowledge.
Smartphones
Use synonyms
 assist
children
Use synonyms
 to go
hand- in - hand
Correct your spelling
hand-in-hand
show examples
 with technology which is essential in
this
Linking Words
 modern epoch.
Besides
Linking Words
, it helps
children
Use synonyms
 to learn new things ranging from subjects related to their lessons to how to play an instrument.
However
Linking Words
, in my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 should attend
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
classes and have face-to-face communication rather than sitting at home to do all their tasks
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
. Having said that, I believe it will definitely have adverse consequences
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 them.
For example
Linking Words
, many
children
Use synonyms
 who are spending the most proportion of their
time
Use synonyms
 on their mobile find it difficult to communicate with their families. In conclusion, there are many reasons that encourage
children
Use synonyms
 to spend a lot of
time
Use synonyms
 on their
phones
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,
Correct article usage
the
show examples
most important of which are globalization and
Correct article usage
a senses
show examples
senses
Fix the agreement mistake
sense
show examples
 of satisfaction.
Although
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
trend
Use synonyms
associated
Add a missing verb
is associated
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 with some advantages , in no way do I think it is
advantageous
Add an article
an advantageous
the advantageous
show examples
trend
Use synonyms
 . I hope governments try to raise public awareness about
consequences
Correct article usage
the consequences
show examples
 of overusing
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
smartphones
Use synonyms
 by
children
Use synonyms
 in the long run.

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Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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