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Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this option

#people #music #cultures #ages #option
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Some individuals argue that
music
 is an excellent means of uniting
people
 with diverse
believe
Replace the word
beliefs
show examples
 and ages together. I strongly agree
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
 view because it bridges cultural misconceptions and fosters
freedom
.
To begin
 with,
music
 has a strong educational role it plays in terms of narrowing or abolishing intercultural belief systems. Meaning it helps to expose the different multicultural ways of the singers, baring their practices, and religions to the rest of the world who
before hand
Correct your spelling
beforehand
show examples
 might have certain misconceptions about them ( the singer).
For example
, in Nigeria, the
people
 of Calabar were known to be cannibals, but after a song by a Calabar famous musician who exposed their culture, the rest of the Nigerians now got to understand that they do not eat human flesh.
Furthermore
,
music
 brings a sense of
freeness
Replace the word
freedom
show examples
. In the past,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of the world's citizens lacked
freedom
, especially in Africa.
Music
 has caused a universal revolution, as
people
 have become grossly aware of their rights through songs.
For Instance
, the song Africa unit, by
late
Correct article usage
the late
show examples
 Bob Marley, brought so much compression and the need for
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
collective
freedom
 and unity by the Africans. In conclusion, I completely opin that
music
 serves as a good instrument in bringing
people
 of different
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
 and ages together due to its strength in correcting
Add an article
the misunderstanding
show examples
misunderstanding
Fix the agreement mistake
misunderstandings
show examples
 of
believe
Replace the word
belief
show examples
 systems and the
freedom
 it promotes.
Submitted by edikealpacino93 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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