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Band 3

Some believe that professional workers such as doctors and teachers should be paid more than sports and entertainment personalities.

#believe #workers #doctors #teachers #sports #entertainment #personalities
Any kind of
workers
Fix the agreement mistake
worker
show examples
 have importance in our
life
 and some
people
 think that
protessional
Correct your spelling
professional
workers
 ,
such
 as
doctors
 and teachers should be paid more than sports
ard
Correct your spelling
and
show examples
 entertainment personalities. I Totally agree with
this
 statement. Professional
workers
 are
people
 who play a big role in everyone’s
life
. In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 they should have more salary
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because it will be a good motivation for
younger
Add an article
the younger
a younger
show examples
 generation to study. Being
probessional
Correct your spelling
professional
professionals
 in your job means that you would do your work more
accurate
Change the word
accurately
show examples
.
Also
Add a comma
,Also
show examples
 professional
workers
 spend many years to become
real
Replace the word
really
show examples
 advanced, while entertainment personalities do not need much time to study. So paying professional
workers
 good money will increase
amount
Add an article
the amount
show examples
 of smart
people
 in
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
. There
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 some
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of opinions which say that
sport
Replace the word
sporty
show examples
people
 put their
life
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 danger to make
people
 smile, but in my point of
view
Add a comma
,view
show examples
 it is incorrect. Because there are so many situations when
doctors
 were spending many days just to save
patient’s
Correct article usage
a patient’s
show examples
life
. Anyways sports and entertainment personalities are needed in every society to make them smile and relax. But it still does not mean that they should be paid as much as
doctors
 and teachers.
As a result
 of everything
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 have said before, teachers and
doctors
 or any kind of
professionals
Change the noun form
professional
show examples
workers
 must be paid as they deserve. Because they are the reason how our society will develop.
Submitted by zhadyra.serikbayeva2016 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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