IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development
It is thought by people that youngsters concentrate most of their time using personal devices
such
 as
smartphones
. Some of the community consider it as
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
one of the modern problems. To my mind, it has both positive and negative influences on children. One evident benefit to having wide use of phones is social benefits.
In other words
, thanks to gadgets people
able
Add a missing verb
are able
show examples
 to enjoy innovations
such
 as online shopping, delivery, e-government
ect
Correct your spelling
etc
. And children cope with
this
 even better than adults, thereby helping parents. Another reason that benefits
smartphones
 would be advantageous is that they would support
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
self-education of
heir
Add an article
an heir
the heir
show examples
. With all the available information
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the net students have the opportunity of mastering every field of science and business. Different courses could help to enhance your CV or even to find a job regardless of age, place and time. I
also
 cannot fail to mention the benefits of
smartphones
 in socialization and finding new attractive and useful acquaintances.
On the other hand
, there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 the obvious negative sides of spending hours and hours on
smartphones
 which is an unlucky effect on health. Excessive use of gadgets primarily impairs vision and takes away the energy of children. Another drawback is the possible negative influence of unsafe sources. Nowadays, we have witnessed various dangerous games and sites that encourage youngsters to do suspicious actions. In conclusion, while there are some negative points, too much would be lost if we do not use
smartphones
 at all in the future. So it is vital to find a balance and keep everything under control.
Submitted by kasymzhomartsultan on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
What to do next:
Look at other essays: