Many people think that too much attention and resources are given to the protection of wild animals and birds. Do you agree or disagree?
In recent years governments have allocated a part of their
buget
to Correct your spelling
budget
Correct article usage
the environmet
environmet
and its creatures like birds. It is stated by a great number of people that human and money resources devoted to them Correct your spelling
environment
is
too much, and authorities pay a lot attention to Change the verb form
are
wild life
. I disagree with Correct your spelling
wildlife
mentioned
statement, but not entirely.
Add an article
the mentioned
Animals
and volant are living on the earth next to humans, actually we humans have eccuipped
their place and destroyed their untouched nature in order to make Correct your spelling
equipped
better
living for Correct article usage
a better
ownselves
. So, Correct your spelling
ourselves
own selves
to begin
with, we own them a lot because we have been hurting them from different aspects since we decided to live in a society as a city. Doing so, its
our obligation to Replace the word
it's
it is
provid
them Correct your spelling
provide
food
and preserve them carefully as Change preposition
with food
much
as we can. Correct quantifier usage
apply
Secondly
, all the creaturse
living on the earth are connected to each other. we cannot deny the role of Correct your spelling
creatures
creature
animals
even birds in our daily life. Scientits
by experimenting on them and observing their behaviours have invented several useful products and drugs to Correct your spelling
Scientists
acure
many diseases. Correct your spelling
cure
acquire
For example
, wizards are able to inject a part of their body facing danger and grow it again, experts and docters
by contributing with each other are Correct your spelling
doctors
hopefull
to use it for fixing Correct your spelling
hopeful
hopefully
human's
Change noun form
human
mutlation
.
Correct your spelling
mutilation
mutation
However
, Animals
are imprtant
and Correct your spelling
important
the
role Change the word
their
of
Change preposition
apply
them
is deniable in our Correct pronoun usage
apply
life
, we cannot focus on them Fix the agreement mistake
lives
a
completely. Correct article usage
apply
In every
Change preposition
Every
nations
still Change to a singular noun
nation
remained
deprived Wrong verb form
remains
areas
where children are suffering from lacking food and Change preposition
of areas
they
do not Correct pronoun usage
apply
access
to fresh and clean water. Add a missing verb
have access
For instance
, in Iran, there is a city named Zahedan that almosty
all its citizens are poor and needy, but Correct your spelling
almost
government
has been spending money on maintaining tigers more than them.
Add an article
the government
To sum up
, animals
importance is irrefutable and our obligation is to preserve them because of ourselves and Change noun form
animals'
animal's
themselves
, Correct pronoun usage
ourselves
however
, i
believe it should not be Change the capitalization
I
high
priority for presidents when we have Add an article
a high
peniless
in our country who cannot live like normal people.Correct your spelling
penniless
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Task Response
The essay partially addresses the task, but it lacks a clear position and does not provide a thorough analysis of the topic. There is a need to fully develop arguments and provide more comprehensive examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay shows some logical structure and presence of introduction and conclusion. However, the ideas are not well-connected, and the essay lacks consistency in presenting the arguments.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite