Many people think that too much attention and resources are given to the protection of wild animals and birds. Do you agree or disagree?

In recent years governments have allocated a part of their
buget
Correct your spelling
budget
to
Correct article usage
the environmet
show examples
environmet
Correct your spelling
environment
and its creatures like birds. It is stated by a great number of people that human and money resources devoted to them
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
too much, and authorities pay a lot attention to
wild life
Correct your spelling
wildlife
show examples
. I disagree with
mentioned
Add an article
the mentioned
show examples
statement, but not entirely.
Animals
and volant are living on the earth next to humans, actually we humans have
eccuipped
Correct your spelling
equipped
their place and destroyed their untouched nature in order to make
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
living for
ownselves
Correct your spelling
ourselves
own selves
. So,
to begin
with, we own them a lot because we have been hurting them from different aspects since we decided to live in a society as a city. Doing so,
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
our obligation to
provid
Correct your spelling
provide
them
food
Change preposition
with food
show examples
and preserve them carefully as
much
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
as we can.
Secondly
, all the
creaturse
Correct your spelling
creatures
creature
living on the earth are connected to each other. we cannot deny the role of
animals
even birds in our daily life.
Scientits
Correct your spelling
Scientists
by experimenting on them and observing their behaviours have invented several useful products and drugs to
acure
Correct your spelling
cure
acquire
many diseases.
For example
, wizards are able to inject a part of their body facing danger and grow it again, experts and
docters
Correct your spelling
doctors
by contributing with each other are
hopefull
Correct your spelling
hopeful
hopefully
to use it for fixing
human's
Change noun form
human
show examples
mutlation
Correct your spelling
mutilation
mutation
.
However
,
Animals
are
imprtant
Correct your spelling
important
and
the
Change the word
their
show examples
role
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is deniable in our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
, we cannot focus on them
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
completely.
In every
Change preposition
Every
show examples
nations
Change to a singular noun
nation
show examples
still
remained
Wrong verb form
remains
show examples
deprived
areas
Change preposition
of areas
show examples
where children are suffering from lacking food and
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
do not
access
Add a missing verb
have access
show examples
to fresh and clean water.
For instance
, in Iran, there is a city named Zahedan that
almosty
Correct your spelling
almost
all its citizens are poor and needy, but
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
has been spending money on maintaining tigers more than them.
To sum up
,
animals
Change noun form
animals'
animal's
show examples
importance is irrefutable and our obligation is to preserve them because of ourselves and
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
ourselves
show examples
,
however
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
believe it should not be
high
Add an article
a high
show examples
priority for presidents when we have
peniless
Correct your spelling
penniless
in our country who cannot live like normal people.
Submitted by amin.ranjbar77 on

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Task Response
The essay partially addresses the task, but it lacks a clear position and does not provide a thorough analysis of the topic. There is a need to fully develop arguments and provide more comprehensive examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay shows some logical structure and presence of introduction and conclusion. However, the ideas are not well-connected, and the essay lacks consistency in presenting the arguments.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • ecological balance
  • species extinction
  • wildlife conservation
  • sustainable development
  • ecosystem services
  • habitat destruction
  • endangered species
  • conservation efforts
  • natural heritage
  • human encroachment
  • poaching
  • genetic diversity
  • climate change
  • environmental stewardship
  • protection measures
  • wildlife sanctuary
  • biological significance
  • conservation biology
  • environmental advocacy
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