Many developing countries require aid from international organizations to develop. Many people think that this aid should be financial, while others think that practical aid and advice are more useful. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In the era of globalisation, efforts are being made to develop all nations of the earth. International organizations are lending hands to support developing countries. Arguments are about financial, practical assistance and advice, which is better. I strongly believe that both views are equally important.
To begin
with, financial support directly alleviates economic problems.
Additionally
,
This
method provides money which plays a key role
to start
Change preposition
in starting
show examples
any project.
For example
, many poor people in Africa can survive by receiving benefits from financial projects which provide food, healthcare and accommodation for them.
Furthermore
, financial
aid
assists economic development, there is an example is that the investment infrastructures
such
as roads, ports, airports or industrial zone boost economic progress.
On the other hand
, hands-on support is a long-term solution for sustainable development. Admittedly, if citizens' knowledge in a country
as well as
their scientific literacy is only at a basic level, the country is not likely to move forward no matter how much financial
aid
it receives.
Moreover
, it is
not to mention
that the money given may lie in the corrupt hands.
For instance
, based on the technology transfer and labour force training from Japan, Vietnam has built the first highest building in Southeast Asia. In conclusion, in my opinion, financial
as well as
practice
aid
and advice are equally important. Financial assistance is a short-term solution that
tacke
Correct your spelling
tackle
the critical problem in developed countries
such
as poverty or disease . The practical
aid
and advice are long-term solutions which push sustainable development.
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coherence cohesion
Structure your essay more clearly by making distinct paragraphs for each viewpoint and elaborate more convincingly. Also, avoid introducing new points in the conclusion that weren't mentioned in the main body of your essay.
task achievement
Ensure that you fully answer the question by discussing both sides equally and giving your own opinion. Your essay seems to slightly favor one side over the other, which can impact your score.
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