Many developing countries require aid from international organizations to develop. Many people think that this aid should be financial, while others think that practical aid and advice are more useful. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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In the era of globalisation, efforts are being made to develop all nations of the earth. International organizations are lending hands to support developing countries. Arguments are about financial, practical assistance and advice, which is better. I strongly believe that both views are equally important.
To begin
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with, financial support directly alleviates economic problems.
Additionally
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,
This
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method provides money which plays a key role
to start
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in starting
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any project.
For example
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, many poor people in Africa can survive by receiving benefits from financial projects which provide food, healthcare and accommodation for them.
Furthermore
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, financial
aid
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assists economic development, there is an example is that the investment infrastructures
such
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as roads, ports, airports or industrial zone boost economic progress.
On the other hand
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, hands-on support is a long-term solution for sustainable development. Admittedly, if citizens' knowledge in a country
as well as
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their scientific literacy is only at a basic level, the country is not likely to move forward no matter how much financial
aid
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it receives.
Moreover
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, it is
not to mention
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that the money given may lie in the corrupt hands.
For instance
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, based on the technology transfer and labour force training from Japan, Vietnam has built the first highest building in Southeast Asia. In conclusion, in my opinion, financial
as well as
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practice
aid
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and advice are equally important. Financial assistance is a short-term solution that
tacke
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tackle
the critical problem in developed countries
such
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as poverty or disease . The practical
aid
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and advice are long-term solutions which push sustainable development.

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coherence cohesion
Structure your essay more clearly by making distinct paragraphs for each viewpoint and elaborate more convincingly. Also, avoid introducing new points in the conclusion that weren't mentioned in the main body of your essay.
task achievement
Ensure that you fully answer the question by discussing both sides equally and giving your own opinion. Your essay seems to slightly favor one side over the other, which can impact your score.
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