The most important function of music is that it helps people reduce stress.to what extend do you agree or disagree.

There has long been a public debate about the fact that
melody
has an integral role in the community's activity and it makes a contribution to decreasing
weight
,
furthermore
Add a comma
,furthermore
show examples
I am a huge fan of
this
theory and the reasons for my opinion about
this
topic will be discussed in
this
essay. In
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
contemporary
circumstances
Add a comma
,circumstances
show examples
population
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
suffering from huge
weight
because of some problems
such
as recession or family issues in their activity
thus
social members need to do some preventable treatment to reduce their
weight
and obviously not only does
melody
play a profound impact on curbing
weight
but
also
it can enhance people's enthusiasm.
for example
, numerous studies from Oxford University have found that people who listen to songs for half an hour will increase their passion and decrease
the
Change the word
their
show examples
weight
or even the pressures that they are experiencing in their activity. It seems to me that
melody
performs a key role in curing diseases like depression or mental demolition
thus
listening to songs or singing can help social members who are fighting mental diseases and there is no denying the fact that
melody
is able to encourage the crowd to pursue their heart with passion. For instant listening to
melody
exert a positive and astonishing effect on students' minds before exams and it helps students to mitigate their nervousness. To sum up, in
this
modern and sophisticated world songs performs a key role in people's minds so
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
can make a contribution to reducing their anxiety and it is crystal clear that piece boosts the enthusiasm and passion of students and social members
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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