IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugars which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #level #sugars #health #people #sugar
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
today, high-level
sugar
Use synonyms
 content in many sources of
food
Use synonyms
 especially in manufactured
food
Use synonyms
 .And of course ,eating so much
sugar
Use synonyms
 is not good for our health. It can cause just a simple cavy,
for example
Linking Words
, but
also
Linking Words
 worse problems like the increasing level of
sugar
Use synonyms
 in the blood . Some
people
Use synonyms
 suggested that
sugar
Use synonyms
 products should be more expensive,so
people
Use synonyms
 would buy Fewer of them According to my, I think that solution is not the best one sugary products include some type of
food
Use synonyms
 that we eat every day,
such
Linking Words
 as bread or pasta
this
Linking Words
food
Use synonyms
 , particularly the
first
Linking Words
 one, is really important in our diet. so making them more expensive will influence not only our lifestyle but
also
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 would not be able anymore to buy the most important
food
Use synonyms
 for them just think
for example
Linking Words
, to poor
people
Use synonyms
 who can maybe afford a few loads of bread per day. What would they eat ,if we increase the bread price? I think that the best solution to
this
Linking Words
 problem would be informing
people
Use synonyms
 about what they eat because sometimes we don't even know that,they have already done something to inform
people
Use synonyms
 about the characteristics of
food
Use synonyms
, of course, and one of the most important thing as they tell you all the ingredients of a particular
food
Use synonyms
, yet, not many
people
Use synonyms
 spend some of their time reading levels, or if they do it they probably don't know the biggest part of the substance named in the list as well not everybody knows that there is a specific order of the ingredients in the list,so something we could not do is organizing some talks inform
people
Use synonyms
 not only about the function of labels but I especially about the big amount of
sugar
Use synonyms
 we eat every day I think as well that
this
Linking Words
 stock talk should we order organized
also
Linking Words
 in schools because I was a child must be aware of what they eat.
Besides
Linking Words
, children can tell what they have learned through these conferences with their parents , so the whole family would eat better.  Put some of it I think that it is not necessary to increase the prices of
sugar
Use synonyms
 for sugary
food
Use synonyms
 and that all we need is information, that will lead
people
Use synonyms
 to eat less sugary
food
Use synonyms
 and, consequences, live better with fewer problems.
Submitted by manpreetjoshan77 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: