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Writing Samples
Band 5

Directors of large organizations earn much higher salaries than ordinary employees do. Some people think it is necessary, but others hold that it is unfair. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Almost in all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
industries or
organizations
Add a comma
,organizations
show examples
 the pay of
directors
Use synonyms
 is much higher than normal
employees
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 and they
also
Linking Words
 receive more facilities
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to others, according to some
people
Use synonyms
 it is necessary, whereas others think that it is unequal.
This
Linking Words
 disquisition will discuss both the views and I will give my opinion in the conclusion. To commence with, according to some
people
Use synonyms
, the salaries should be higher of
derectors
Correct your spelling
directors
 because they run the whole
business
Use synonyms
,
directors
Use synonyms
 are the
people
Use synonyms
 who take
burden
Add an article
the burden
show examples
 of
employees
Use synonyms
 other than that they
also
Linking Words
 handle customer
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
, which is
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
 crucial part of any organization.
In addition
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, managers who manage the
company
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 and
also
Linking Words
 they have to
available
Add a missing verb
be available
show examples
 24x7 and
also
Linking Words
 they even forget about their family sometimes
and
Correct word choice
apply
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because of
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
 of efforts the
business
Use synonyms
 gets successful and
this
Linking Words
 can be the reason for their higher payout because managers or
directors
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 not just handle the
business
Use synonyms
, but they
also
Linking Words
manages
Change the verb form
manage
show examples
 the
employees
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 and get connected with the
employees
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.
Additionally
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, a manager holds a position for a longer time and he or she gains much experience which
needed
Add a missing verb
is needed
show examples
 or they tend to change
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 companies compare to other
people
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.
For example
Linking Words
, we can see many
directors
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 who are in their later stage of life and they are most experienced, and
still
Add a comma
,still
show examples
 companies
urges
Change the verb form
urge
show examples
 them to stay in touch even after retiring just because of their past work for
Use synonyms
company
Add an article
the company
a company
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, individuals who are
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 higher positions often
holds
Change the verb form
hold
show examples
 higher education or higher degree in that
particualar
Correct your spelling
particular
 field.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some believe that it is injustice for
employees
Use synonyms
 as they are
backbone
Add an article
the backbone
show examples
 of any
company
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, and play a vital role in
Use synonyms
company`s
Correct article usage
the company`s
show examples
 success but they cannot handle the loss and much pressure they just have to work on only one department of an organization, whereas a director
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 to focus on
everythig
Correct your spelling
everything
 from gains or loss of a
business
Use synonyms
 to salaries of
employees
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. In conclusion, in my opinion, it is fair that managers or
directors
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holds
Change the verb form
hold
show examples
 higher salary because they deserve it based on their work, experience and
education
Replace the word
educational
show examples
 qualification. And many
organization
Fix the agreement mistake
organizations
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 think that it is
worthy
Replace the word
worth
show examples
to increase
Change the verb form
increasing
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 their salaries as they are
important
Add an article
an important
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aspect
Fix the agreement mistake
aspects
show examples
 of any
company
Use synonyms
.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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