IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people like to go on holiday abroad, while others believe it is better to visit places within their own country. Discuss boh views and give your own opinion.

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Nowadays, travelling abroad during long holidays has become increasingly popular. Some people prefer to visit other countries,
while
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 others including me reckon that travelling in the nation is much better. In the essay, the reason
to prefer
Change preposition
for preferring
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 the latter statement will be presented before my conclusion is reached. The first disadvantage of travelling to other countries is the higher cost compared with national travel. As they need to pay for the additional
expense
Fix the agreement mistake
expenses
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 including plane tickets, hotel, taxi, and many more, it makes the total cost of travel expenses.
For example
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, only a plane ticket for flying from Bangkok, Thailand to Amsterdam, the Netherlands costs around 50,000 Baht per person, and the hotel price per night is approximately 6,000 Bath, and there are other expenses
such
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 as food, transportation, and entrance tickets for visiting museums or landmarks, which are almost 5 times more expensive than Thailand.
Furthermore
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, it takes a long period
for travelling
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to travel
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oversea
Correct your spelling
overseas
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. If tourists have a holiday for 7 days, it takes 2 days to be on a plane to the Netherlands.
Therefore
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, travellers have less time to enjoy the cultures and cities.
Besides
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 the drawbacks of
oversea
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overseas
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 travel, there are numerous benefits for
stay
Wrong verb form
staying
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 in the nation.
To begin
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, the cost spending for the trip is a lot cheaper than going
to aboard
Rephrase
abroad
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. An individual can have dinner in a Michelin-star restaurant and stay in a
five stars
Correct your spelling
five-star
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 hotel in Thailand by paying the same amount of money to have meals at convenience stores and sleep at motels in Europe.
Moreover
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, travelling in the nation
enable to stimulate
Verb problem
stimulates
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 the national economy. it helps residents in the local areas have more income, which is considered a circular economy.
For instance
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, those who live near tourist destinations can generate money by selling souvenirs, food, and services.
Hence
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,
this
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 is another way to improve the well-being of people in the community. In conclusion, going to other countries for holidays is not the best idea for relaxation because people can save enormous money by travelling inside the country. From my perspective, I prefer to stay in my home country as I am broke.

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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear, but they lack depth and originality. Work on providing a more engaging and insightful introduction and conclusion.
task response
You have addressed the task of discussing both views and giving your opinion. However, make sure to present a more balanced discussion of both views before presenting your own opinion. Additionally, provide more extensive support for your opinion.
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