IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people think government should invest more money in teaching science than other subjects in order for a country to develop and progress. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #government #money #science #subjects #country #progress
The education
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Education
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 plays a vital role
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
country
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the country
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developing
Replace the word
development
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 and process. Some people argued that the
government
 should invest more money in science and
technology
subjects
 rather than other
subjects
. In my point of
view
Add a comma
,view
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 the
government
 should
focuson
Correct your spelling
focus on
 both
subjects
 to
devloped
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develop
 their
nation
. I will give
explanation
Add an article
an explanation
the explanation
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 in the ensuing paragraphs. On the one hand, in the modern era,
the
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apply
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innovation has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
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spread in every field.
The developing
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Developing
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countries
 have less
technology
 equipment
as
Correct word choice
apply
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compered
Correct your spelling
compared
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 to developed
countries
.
Therefore
, the
government
 should invest more in teaching science
subjects
 in developing provinces. The
scienceis
Correct your spelling
sciences
science is
 help to give job opportunity and its skills
also
helps
Change the verb form
help
show examples
for
Change preposition
with
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 overseas education.
Morever
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Moreover
,
scienceis
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science is
sciences
 a
develop
Replace the word
development
show examples
the
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apply
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automation, so,
producation
Correct your spelling
production
 would
increased
Change the verb form
increase
be increased
show examples
 and
also
 rise income.
For example
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
techonology
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technology
 has improved agriculture industry
producation
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production
 in India. The machinery takes
places
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place
show examples
 by
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a human
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human
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humans
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. So,
manufacturing
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the manufacturing
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 ratio would
increased
Change the verb form
increase
be increased
show examples
.
Similarly
, income will
significantlyrise
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significantly rise
, because,
producation
Correct your spelling
production
 and income are directly proportional to each other.
On the other hand
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
developed
countries
 need to improve
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 cultural part of
nation
Add an article
the nation
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.
Therefore
, the developed
country
's
government
 should invest in
the
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apply
show examples
other
subjects
such
 as
histroy
Correct your spelling
history
,
soprts
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sports
 and
that
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apply
show examples
subjects
 which
attrect
Correct your spelling
attract
 to children. The developed
countries
 had already advanced
technology
 so, they focus on other
subjects
.
For instance
, the developed
country
 the USA had advancement in all
field
Fix the agreement mistake
fields
show examples
. While
,
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apply
show examples
 people who
lives
Change the verb form
live
show examples
 in the USA
that
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apply
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do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not know about
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the histroy
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histroy
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history
 or
cultureof
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culture of
culture
particular
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a particular
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 part of
continant
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continent
. In conclusion, the
ivest
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invest
in particular
 part which depend on
nation
Replace the word
national
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 development. The
government
 should invest in
education
Add an article
the education
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 sector that
grow
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grows
show examples
nation
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the nation
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. While
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
the
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apply
show examples
developing
country
 need to know about
technology
 by teaching science
in
Change preposition
during
show examples
 schooling time.
Submitted by jeetkacha13 on

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • economic growth
  • holistic development
  • technological advancements
  • critical thinking
  • cultural awareness
  • sustainable development
  • return on investment (ROI)
  • global competitiveness
  • job market
  • equitable education
  • funding allocation
  • curriculum balance
  • civic responsibilities
  • interdisciplinary approach
What to do next:
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