IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Modern children are suffering from those disease which were once consider to be meant for the aduts only.obesity is the major disease prevalent among the children.what are its causes and remedies?

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Off recently due to
gradual
Correct article usage
the gradual
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 progression of fast
food
Use synonyms
 intake in our daily life ,we see
children
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are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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suffering from diseases which were once confined to adults
For example
Linking Words
 ,
obesity
Use synonyms
 was once observed in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people above 40 yrs of age. but nowadays young
children
Use synonyms
 around 10 yrs of age are facing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
issues related to
obesity
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. Apart from fast
food
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, another reason for
this
Linking Words
 is
sedentary
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a sedentary
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 lifestyle. With
advancement
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the advancement
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 of
technology
Add a comma
,technology
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 everything is available at the click of
button
Add an article
a button
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 , so there is no form of physical exercise or walking involved which eventually leads to
obesity
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. Earlier , when there were no
food
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 apps ,
children
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 ,if they want to eat fast
food
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 had to step outside
home
Change preposition
of home
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 to buy and eat which eventually lead to some form of physical activity which helps in burning those extra fats
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In order
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Inorder
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In order
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 to prevent
obesity
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 in
children
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 , some sort of physical activity
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
id
Correct your spelling
is
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 required
Correct your spelling
in order
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inorder
Correct your spelling
in order
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 to
Replace the word
lose
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loose
Correct your spelling
lose
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 those extra fats in the body
Secondly
Linking Words
, there should be
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
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 diet plan which includes fibres which
promotes
Change the verb form
promote
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 good metabolism to reduce
those fat forming
Change the determiner
that fat forming
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. in all healthy lifestyle plus healthy
food
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 habits in
children
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 will eventually help to fight the battle against
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
obesity
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 in
children
Use synonyms

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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