IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

It is important for all towns and cities to have large public spaces such as squares and parks. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Nowadays, many buildings exist thanks to the construction industry
that is
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 constantly developing. Some
people
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 say that it is significant for all cities to have big public
areas
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,
whereas
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, others support that it is not necessary for societies. In my opinion, there are many reasons why public spaces in towns are an indispensable requirement for humanity. To start with, the foremost aspect of squares and parks is that they contribute to individuals' mental and physical health.
People
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 are exposed to close
areas
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such
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 as shopping
centers
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centres
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, schools, and workğlaces in today's world.
This
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 situation poses a risk to human health because communities have to live with together nature by the nature of humanity.
For example
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,
people
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 should take sufficient sun sight in their daily life.
Otherwise
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, some vitamins are deficient in their bodies
as well
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as
Correct word choice
and
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 lack of
sun sight
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sunsight
 may cause various psychological problems.
Therefore
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 public
areas
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 are a major opportunity for
people
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 to meet these needs.
Secondly
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, another pivotal factor of public spaces is that it is convenient
areas
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 for to
people
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 socialize with friends and loved ones. Open and green
areas
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 have indisputable significance for all
people
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. The world has noticed
this
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 importance in years that
last
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 in the shadow of
covid-19
Correct your spelling
COVID-19
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 since individuals can not move, socialize and have fun in an independent way.
For instance
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, children play football and a variety of games in parks.
In addition
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, adults may picnic with the family.
For
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this
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 reason, cities should allocate necessary places for public
areas
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.
To sum up
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, whether public fields are utility for towns or not is a debatable issue. There are many opinions on
this
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 matter.
Nevertheless
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, ı am inclined to believe that public
areas
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 help
people
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 to socialize and have good health.
Consequently
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, governments should pay attention to these
areas
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while
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 doing country plans.

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task response
Consider using a clearer thesis statement in your introduction that directly outlines your position on the topic. This will help guide your readers more clearly in understanding your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that you transition smoothly between ideas and paragraphs. For example, the connection between your points about health and socialization could be improved for better flow.
task response
Expound more on specific examples to support your arguments. This would enhance your points on health and socialization by showing more real-world significance.
task achievement
You have effectively identified the importance of public spaces for mental and physical health, which is a critical aspect of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay presents clear arguments that reflect your opinion on the importance of public spaces, making it coherent overall.
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