IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cellphone tracking and security camaras). In many cases, the people being monitoredare unaware that this is happening. Do you think the adventatges of this development outweigh the disadventatges?

#technology #people #cellphone #security #camaras #cases #monitoredare #adventatges #development #disadventatges
People in the actuality are starting to get used more and more to the technologies and many know about the ways that Big
Data
 are
using
Wrong verb form
used
show examples
 when they are surfing the internet. The following essay takes a look at both sides of the argument. According to many one possible
disadvantage
Change to a plural noun
disadvantages
show examples
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 these
Add a comma
,news
show examples
news
Correct your spelling
new
show examples
 technologies is keeping our
privacity
Correct your spelling
privacy
 intact.
For example
, when you want to do shopping online it
knowns
Add a missing verb
is knowns
show examples
 that
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 many
webs
Change the noun form
web
show examples
pages
 you need to sign up and provide private
data
 in order to do the registration,
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
show examples
 your number phone, e-mail,
ubication
Correct word choice
and ubication
show examples
. As a
consequence
Add a comma
,consequence
show examples
 these
pages
probabily
Correct your spelling
probably
 will send you
Add an article
an e-mail
show examples
e-mail
Fix the agreement mistake
e-mails
show examples
 with advertisements about
others
Correct pronoun usage
other
show examples
 products and call you with the same
willing
Replace the word
willingness
show examples
.
Nevertheless
, the people
are divided
Change the verb form
have divided
show examples
 in their opinion and some support that the advantages of
this
 development are bigger.
Moreover
, in order to
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not lose time, Big
Data
 workers
provides
Change the verb form
provide
show examples
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 web
pages
 with cookies.
For example
, when you are
sufring
Correct your spelling
suffering
surfing
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 these
pages
 to look for some products, these
technologuies
Correct your spelling
technologies
 are helping you
doing
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 one preselection to help you to do
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 best
choosing
Replace the word
choice
show examples
.
In addition
, in a similar fashion cellphone tracking and security
camaras
Correct your spelling
cameras
 are in so many
bussines
Correct your spelling
business
 to help
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to increase the benefits and
fundamentaly
Correct your spelling
fundamentally
fundamentals
 for security. In short, many people agree that
this new technologies
Change the determiner
this new technology
these new technologies
show examples
 are created for our benefit and we need to see that in
this
 way, and the disadvantages are pretty
insignificants
Correct your spelling
insignificant
significant
.
Furthermore
, many times we can
choose
Add the particle
tochoose
show examples
 provide
data
 or not
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 these online
pages
.
Submitted by arianaganea92 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: