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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Write a 250-word essay for the topic: More and more people today are drinking sugar-based drinks. What are the reasons for this? What are the solutions to make people drink less?

#topic #people #drinks #drink
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In the new era, the sugar-based
drink
Use synonyms
 industry has grown fastly, and they have a strategy for marketing, promotion and producing delicious products. In one decade
people
Use synonyms
 had difficulty stopping drinking sugar-based
drinks
Use synonyms
. In my essay, I will support some opinions about the reason why they
drink
Use synonyms
 a lot and give solutions on how to decrease the consumption of sugar-based
drinks
Use synonyms
.
First
Linking Words
, In the global era, sugar-based
drink
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 companies create many advertisements, and
people
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 easier to find advertisements for products on social media
such
Linking Words
 as Instagram, Tiktok, and Facebook applications.
For example
Linking Words
, Nutrisasi Inc. advertises its products with healthy
drink
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 brands and promotes by influencers. The reason why
people
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 today
drink
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 sugar-based
drinks
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 more than in the past era.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, sugar has an addictive substance that's why
people
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 are difficult to leave sugar-based
drinks
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. The combination between marketing strategy and addictive substance is why
people
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 consumed more and more, even though they know about the negative impacts.
Second
Linking Words
, too much sugar in our body is not good for our health, they make diabetes when
people
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 consume it in their habit.
Moreover
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, diabetes is danger one for humans, diabetes is the deathliest disease for humans. The solutions are government must create policies for sugar-based
drink
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 companies to make limitations on production.
Then
Linking Words
 educate the
people
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 from school and public spaces about
a healthy
Correct the article-noun agreement
healthy drinks
a healthy drink
show examples
drinks
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, decrease consume sugar-based drinking is not easy but we can try sports activities, chose healthy foods and have good life habits. To sum it up, sugar-based drinking is not good for
people
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's health so government must have the responsibility to create policies and give education programs about healthy
drinks
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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