IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

some people opine that it is more important to spend time in developing a successful career. while, others think that it is more important to spend time with friends and family. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

#people #opine #time #career #friends
Some people opine
Correct your spelling
that
tha
Correct your spelling
that
 t it is more important to spend
time
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
developing a successful career. while
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 others think that it is more important to spend
time
 with friends and family. in my essay, I'll discuss both views and express my beliefs. It's a very hard and chronic debate whether to be devoted to
work
Change the verb form
working
show examples
 or to social
life
, while the easy and the correct answer is to split
time
 between both sides,
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
 it's not that easy to achieve it, since
life
 is not always or in most cases are not helpful enough to make that balance. Building a successful career is a very
ipmortant
Correct your spelling
important
 thing,
first
 to secure
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sufficient income for a decent lifestyle and to save some for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rainy days,
helath
Correct your spelling
health
 care and to guarantee a
comofortable
Correct your spelling
comfortable
 retirement,
second
Correct word choice
and second
show examples
 to
saftisfy
Correct your spelling
satisfy
 the instinct of being
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
successful. Taking care of the family and having a good
time
 with friends is
also
 very necessary to renew the mental, psychological, and emotional energy, which we
also
 need to keep our minds in souls happy and healthy. looking back in
time
 to my own personal
life
, In my early years of
work
,
I've
Unnecessary verb
I
show examples
 devoted myself to
work
 in order to achieve success, and to
accumilate
Correct your spelling
accumulate
 money, and in return, I disregarded my family and my fellows,
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
 I wasn't satisfied
for
Change preposition
with
show examples
 being
a way
Correct your spelling
away
show examples
 from my beloved ones. After learning from my mistakes, I decided to make some balance between all aspects of
life
, and
finally
, it paid something worthy. In my opinion, each person shall make stability in his lifestyle between all sides of
life
, to
work
, to the loved ones, to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pysical
Correct your spelling
physical
 and to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mental
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
, to spiritual needs. no need to make an equal share to each party, just dedicate what can be dedicated
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and shares can be maximized or minimized from
time
 to
time
 based on the ability to do so. We need to remember that success worth nothing if we don't have
some one
Correct your spelling
someone
show examples
 we love to celebrate our success with.
what's
Unnecessary verb
what
show examples
 is the use of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
money, if we are not healthy to enjoy it
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
Submitted by ahmedmalorabi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: