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Band 4.5

Nowadays, more and more older people who need employment compete with the younger people for the same job. What problem this causes? What are solution?

#people #employment #job
In recent years, young
job
 seekers are in competition with the old whose number of them is increasing for
similar
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a similar
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occupation
Fix the agreement mistake
occupations
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. Since
this
 situation has
an adverse effects
Correct the article-noun agreement
an adverse effect
adverse effects
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 on young
people’
Correct your spelling
people
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 s life, a mutual agreement between
companies
 and
universities
 to provide courses that
students
 can work as a trainee in
companies
 for a while is beneficial not only for
students
 but
also
companies
 which I will explain in detail as follows: Young
people
 have some difficulties in finding
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a job
show examples
job
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jobs
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 for which the old apply.
This
 is to say that in an inequivalent condition in which employees show more tendency to employ skilled workers, elders have more chance to hold a position. As the demand for
Add an article
the job
a job
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job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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 by older
people
 is higher than ever, the less experienced
people
 should be lucky to be offered
works
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work
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 which
is
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are
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same
Correct article usage
the same
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 as
Correct article usage
the elder’s
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elder’s
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elders
elder
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.
Therefore
, in spite of having
university
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a university
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 education, they have to accept dead-end
jobs
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job
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 offers like
waitress
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a waitress
the waitress
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, salesperson, and so on.
As a result
, They might walk away from dissatisfied
circumstance
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circumstances
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 by either dropping out
their
Change preposition
of their
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universities
 or committing a crime
such
 as using illegal drugs or becoming theft which has detrimental influences on
society
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society's
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 health. When it comes to
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a solution
the solution
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solution
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solutions
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,
cooperation
Correct article usage
the cooperation
show examples
 of
universities
 and
companies
 could be an effective way to tackle these problems. What I mean to say is that
universities
 with
assistance
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the assistance
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 of
companies
 can enforce a law on which
students
 should work for
companies
 as an intern during their education years to gain practical experience. In
this
 way, a large number of
students
 might be recruited by
companies
 in which they finish their internment;
Besides
, a young person who
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
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expert
Correct article usage
an expert
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 in their major even have more opportunity to take a
job
 in comparison to older
people
. In conclusion, in
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 competitive unequal environment in which the old’s requirements for occupations
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 becoming high, there are some major concerns for young graduates in terms of working which influence their future in a negative way.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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