IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think the government funding should not be used for supporting art and culture, others think supporting cultural activities may be beneficial for the population and the culture. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #government #art #culture #activities #population
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Many
people
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 are convinced that
government
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 financial resources shouldn’t be used for
art
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 and cultural programmes;
however
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, others advocate that spending in
favor
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favour
show examples
 of
art
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 and
culture
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 could be vital for society.
Although
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 I believe in the second view, I would like to discuss both sides. If we examine the first view, the
government
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 has no responsibility to fund
art
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 and
culture
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, there are more important aspects like healthcare, education, and politics to consider.
Additionally
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,
people
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 spend on bills
therefore
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, they have some expectations from the
government
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 regarding their security and healthcare services. Artistic activities come at the very end of
this
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 list.
Moreover
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, competition is a crucial factor in areas that require
such
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 creativity, and without
government
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 support, artists can push their limits even more, which can increase their productivity.
On the other hand
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, young
people
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 may have the courage to do
art
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 if the
government
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 provides resources to fund cultural activities and
art
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 because it becomes an exemplary and encouraging space for society. At the same time, since
culture
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 is the carrier of society, it will be beneficial for the state to support its development and for societies to introduce their own
culture
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 to the world. Nations must protect their own
culture
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, and what a bright way to do
this
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 with
government
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 support.
To sum up
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, the
government
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 has some priorities
such
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 as investing in healthcare and education.
Nevertheless
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, with the resources allocated to
art
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 and
culture
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, it would protect and keep its heritage alive.
For
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this
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 reason, some
people
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 believe that
this
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 may be beneficial
Submitted by incidenizz21 on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction provides a clear overview of the essay and presents the two different views. However, it could be more specific in expressing the writer's own opinion.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing both views and provides a clear opinion at the end. The ideas are well-developed and supported with examples. However, the examples could be more specific and relevant to the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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