Nowadays,many people choose to be self-employed,rather than to work for a company or organisation.Do the advantages of being self-employed outweigh the disadvantages?
The number of entrepreneurs is increasing day by day all over the world. today's generation prefers to be an entrepreneur over the alternative of a job holder or other occupation.
this
essay will highlight both the benefit
and drawbacks.
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
To begin
with the positives, to becoming an entrepreneur, people
will get much freedom to do their own business. This
is because they have been getting the chance to fulfill
their self-satisfaction. Change the spelling
fulfil
for instance
, people
can go out to and fro without any obstacles whereas
if anyone doing a job in any sector, they have to need permission for there
any emergency. it is a crucial advantage for a self-employed person if they have done their activity properly, no one can stop their success. Correct pronoun usage
apply
this
is
might be the reason Unnecessary verb
apply
for tending
Verb problem
why
people
on to be self-employed.
A proverb Goes On ‘No risk, no gain’. nevertheless
, a huge number of people
lose their capital when they become entrepreneurs. as
a result, they have to face many problems when their business platform goes into a bad situation, they have to face insurmountable conditions. Sometimes it goes bankrupt. In Capitalize word
As
this
way, they feel too much pressure and depressionRephrase
apply
also
. In the
contrast, if they do a private job they Correct article usage
apply
have
not Verb problem
do
had
any stress about their salary.
In conclusion, in Wrong verb form
have
this
modern era, people
want more freedom and more mony
Correct your spelling
money
seo
that they can lead a comfortable lifestyle. Correct your spelling
so
This
reason people
select their occupation preferably to self-employed. Others are comfortable in private jobs cause
they don't need risk and hassle.Correct word choice
because
Submitted by Aminul Islam
on
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coherence cohesion
Avoid beginning sentences with lowercase letters. This diminishes the formal style of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay maintains a consistent flow of ideas from one paragraph to another. Specifically, the transition from benefits to drawbacks is quite abrupt. You could use transitional phrases to smooth these shifts.
coherence cohesion
Provide more evidence to support your main points. For instance, when discussing the advantages of being self-employed, you could give more real-life examples or data to back up your claims.
task achievement
Closely relate your examples to the topic. For example, in discussing the disadvantages of being self-employed, you mention financial risk and bankruptcy, but these aren't specific to self-employment—they apply to all types of business. Try to focus on issues that are exclusive to being self-employed.
task achievement
Make sure your ideas are presented in a clear and comprehensive way. Avoid using vague or generic phrases like 'people lose their capital when they become entrepreneurs', which do not explain how self-employment specifically contributes to this loss.
lexical resource
Mind your sentence structure, punctuation, and spelling mistakes. For example 'mony seo' is probably a typing error for 'money so' and should be corrected. Incorrect usage of such can negatively impact your score.
grammatical range and accuracy
Focus on proper capitalisation, especially at the start of sentences and for certain phrases and idioms. E.g., 'A proverb goes on' should be 'As the proverb goes'.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example