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Band 7

The crime rate nowadays is decreasing compared to the past due to advanced technology which can prevent and solve the crime. Do you agree or disagree?

#crime #rate #technology
In today’s world, it is argued that the development of
technology
 can help prevent and resolve crimes.
Although
this
 can be true to a certain extent, it is my firm belief that
technology
 can be used as a tool for crimes. On the one hand, there are certain reasons why technological development is beneficial to decreasing infractions.
First,
with the development of the
internet
, it is easier to alert
people
 about a criminal. When information about wrongdoings is spread on the
internet
, many
people
 will know and can avoid them.
Therefore
, the number of
people
 who become victims of these infractions will decrease.
Second,
with the surveillance of security cameras, offences are detected faster and more easily. When public places are under the monitoring of the authorities, there will be fewer
criminals
 .
For example
, in Dalat, when there are cameras to observe the main roads, the number of illegal races decreases.
On the other hand
, I personally believe that new
technology
 may be used by
criminals
 to commit offences.
To begin
 with, when
technology
 develops, a lot of
people
 use the
internet
 and create conditions for
criminals
 to act. When
people
 use the
internet
 but do not have enough knowledge about it,
criminals
 can take advantage of everyone’s lack of understanding and take their property. To illustrate
this
 point, nowadays, there are many old
people
 who are deceived by online
criminals
.
Moreover
, there are a lot of illegal forms of online trading
through
Change preposition
due to
show examples
 the limitations of network security. The
internet
 has become an ideal place for trafficking in banned substances and smuggling. In conclusion,
although
 technological advancements can help prevent many crimes in society, I am firmly convinced that they may become crime tools.
Submitted by huynhtrucminhthu39 on

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task response
Ensure that you address each part of the prompt thoroughly and provide a balanced argument that covers both perspectives. Develop your ideas with more depth and clarity to ensure a more complete response to the task.
coherence and cohesion
You have a good overall logical structure and the essay maintains a clear introduction and conclusion. Work on strengthening the connections between your ideas to improve coherence and cohesion. Use linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your argument more effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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