IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think reading stories in books is better than watching TV or playing computer games for childre. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #stories #books #tv #computer #games #childre
Nowadays,
parents
 are responsible for their
children
's growth. It depends
how
Change preposition
on how
show examples
 the
parents
 control their
children
 in their free
time
 at home. There are some arguments made of reading storybooks is better than playing computer
games
 or watching television. In my point of view,
children
 should read books more
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
 spend their
time
 doing other things.
Firstly
, the early growth of
children
 is the most important
time
 for their growth, these stages make them learn and adapt for
future
 knowledge.
Therefore
, reading is important to pupils for making them create an
imagination
Replace the word
image
show examples
.
For instance
, if they read a book about taking care of friends, automatically they know how to bond with their friends. All these kinds of reactions to reading will make
children
 more
attractive
Replace the word
attracted
show examples
 to keep on reading books.
On the other hand
, when
children
 always been exposed to watching television or playing
games
, it will make them less interested of study in
future
.
For example
, when
children
 start to play
games
, they will addiction to the game all the
time
. Sometimes,
parents
 will not able to control their child's wishes and
as a result
, they will play the
games
 for the whole day. In my conclusion,
children
 should be reading more for
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 foreseeable
future
, and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
parents
also
 have to know how to manage their
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
time
 and forsake their
future
.
Submitted by yannaunghlaing on

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