As a result of electronic inventions such as the computer and television, people do less physical activity, and this is having a negative effects on their health. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

In the past few decades, there is a considerable inclination
of
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toward
show examples
technology
day by day. With regarding
this
, in today's
age
Add a comma
,age
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individuals do not play physical activity and they have more time
utilise
Fix the infinitive
to utilise
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
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electronic
devices
like mobiles and televisions
however
Add the comma(s)
,however
show examples
, it is a detrimental impact on their health. I partially agree with
this
notion and my view regarding
this
, which I would be elaborated
in
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on in
show examples
upcoming paragraphs with relevant examples. To commence with, what are the disadvantages
to
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of
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high
Correct article usage
the high
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use of electronic
devices
? The predominant point is that citizens will diminish
eyesight
Correct pronoun usage
their eyesight
show examples
. To elaborate
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
, people would more time spend on electronic
devices
however
they do not think it provides harmful raises that are not better for
eyes
Correct article usage
the eyes
show examples
hence
, old age individuals should teach their children about
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
things. To cite a relevant example, a survey was conducted by
health
Add an article
the health
show examples
department, according to which, 70% of students are using
gogles
Correct your spelling
goggles
googles
when they study at school because of more time spent on mobile phones and laptops.
On the other hand
, there are various merits for youngsters to use electronic
devices
.
First
and foremost is that teenagers will easily set
their
Change preposition
up their
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business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
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after
completed
Wrong verb form
completing
show examples
higher education. To explain it, nowadays, all businessman are starting their business with the help of
technology
and they work easily sit at home
hence
,
that is
totally
depend
Replace the word
dependent
show examples
on new
technology
.
For instance
, a report
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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published by the tribune,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
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reveals that 85% of inhabitants are working at home
through
Change preposition
with
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the laptop and other
technology
gadgets and they easily earn
high
Add an article
a high
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income
Fix the agreement mistake
incomes
show examples
. To conclude, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
myriad
of
Change preposition
apply
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benefits to
use
Wrong verb form
using
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electronic
devices
such
as
earn
Wrong verb form
earning
show examples
higher income and
start
Wrong verb form
starting
show examples
their own business via network
nevertheless
, it's demerits can not be neglected.
Submitted by baljindersamra29 on

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