IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people use social media to keep in touch with other people and new events. Do you think advantages of this technology outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #media #touch #events #technology
Nowadays, technology is all over the world and
people
became
Wrong verb form
have become
show examples
 addicted to social
media
 and use it on a daily basis.
However
, In
this
 essay, I will illustrate the pros and cons of social
media
,
thus
, describing my point of view and supporting it with examples as well. First of all, the certain purpose of inventing social
media
 is to keep
people
 connected and in touch despite the local distance, you can easily contact your friend who lives in a different country and you can share with them your news and keep them posted, which from my perspective, I believe it is a good thing because some
people
 had to leave their hometown for specific circumstances
such
 as job opportunity or College whatsoever,
therefore
, having access to communicate with the
people
 you love is basically what we all need.
However
, despite these advantages being addicted to social
media
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 a lot of consequences,
for example
, it will affect your social skills and not constantly practising face-to-face communication will influence your performance in socializing with
people
 which leads to
facing
Verb problem
apply
show examples
difficulties in connecting with others.
Nevertheless
, a lot of
people
 do not use social
media
 to contact others
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but to follow specific influencers, which is all right by the way,
however
, not every content creator deserves you to take the time to watch his content, some of them share the most outrageous and disrespectful content not considering the consequences of their actions. In conclusion,
besides
 all the advantages of social
media
, I believe that it is stupid to focus on an unrealistic lifestyle and ignore the significance of real-life communication because socializing in person could possibly improve your confidence and increase your self-esteem as well.
Submitted by Layanosama on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the advantages and disadvantages of social media. However, there is a need for more specific examples to support the arguments.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, framing the essay effectively. Ensure that each body paragraph is clearly connected to the thesis statement to strengthen coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: