In some countries, teenagers have jobs while they are still students. Do you think this is a good idea? Support your opinion by using specific reasons and details.
Youths are the asset of every country, as they are the future. In
this
contemporary world, teenagers do part-time jobs while
pursuing their studies. Every coin has two sides ,likewise
Add a comma
likewise,
this
idea can result in positive as well as
a negative outcomes
. I think both views are reasonable and Correct the article-noun agreement
a negative outcome
negative outcomes
this
essay will analyse the reason with lucid examples.
To begin
with, the most indispensable fact is that nowadays youths are egocentric in nature, they want to be independent as soon as possible. Part-time employment offers them this
opportunity, where they can beat their own expenses and need not be dependent on respective guardians. For example
, partying is an indivisible part of youths. This
adds additional financial burden, but if they are partially employed, they can pay off their bills. Additionally
, many mature young individuals support their families in monetary terms. For instance
, one of my relatives is a single mother, and her elder son bears all the expenses of his younger sister,
Remove the comma
apply
while
studying by having a consultancy business as a halftime job. This
makes them responsible, mature & accountable
.
Correct word choice
and accountable
Nevertheless
, teenagers can also
misuse their salary. Here I would to like cite an incidence from my own college, where graduates use
to buy drugs with their additional income & Wrong verb form
used
Correct word choice
and spoiled
spoiled
their Wrong verb form
spoil
life
. Fix the agreement mistake
lives
Similarly
, many individuals spent
money on gambling which again shows the negative impact.
In conclusion, Wrong verb form
spend
independency
is a boon in a plethora of ways. One should Replace the word
independence
therefore
look for the priorities of life. Even the judiciary says after 18 years of age, one can take
voluntary decisions. So, it's all in the hands of youngsters to use Correct your spelling
make
this
idea in a good or bad way & also
how to lead their lives.Submitted by bincy.ross on
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Task Achievement
The essay does not fully address the prompt by providing a balanced discussion of both positive and negative aspects of teenagers having jobs while still in school.
Coherence and Cohesion
There is a lack of overall coherence and cohesion in the essay. It is recommended to use clear and logical paragraph development, as well as more cohesive devices to improve the overall flow of ideas.
Lexical Resource
The essay demonstrates a varied range of vocabulary and attempts to use complex structures. However, there are instances of inappropriate word choices and awkward phrasing.
Grammatical Range
The essay displays a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. However, there are errors in subject-verb agreement and awkward sentence constructions that impact the overall clarity and fluency of the essay.