In some countries, teenagers have jobs while they are still students. Do you think this is a good idea? Support your opinion by using specific reasons and details.

#countries #teenagers #jobs #students #idea #support

Youths are the asset of every country, as they are the future. In

this

contemporary world, teenagers do part-time jobs

while

pursuing their studies. Every coin has two sides ,

likewise

Add a comma

likewise,

show examples

this

idea can result in positive

as well as

a negative outcomes

Correct the article-noun agreement

a negative outcome

negative outcomes

show examples

. I think both views are reasonable and

this

essay will analyse the reason with lucid examples.

To begin

with, the most indispensable fact is that nowadays youths are egocentric in nature, they want to be independent as soon as possible. Part-time employment offers them

this

opportunity, where they can beat their own expenses and need not be dependent on respective guardians.

For example

, partying is an indivisible part of youths.

This

adds additional financial burden, but if they are partially employed, they can pay off their bills.

Additionally

, many mature young individuals support their families in monetary terms.

For instance

, one of my relatives is a single mother, and her elder son bears all the expenses of his younger sister

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

while

studying by having a consultancy business as a halftime job.

This

makes them responsible, mature &

accountable

Correct word choice

and accountable

show examples

Nevertheless

, teenagers can

also

misuse their salary. Here I would to like cite an incidence from my own college, where graduates

use

Wrong verb form

used

show examples

to buy drugs with their additional income &

Correct word choice

and spoiled

show examples

spoiled

Wrong verb form

spoil

show examples

their

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

Similarly

, many individuals

spent

Wrong verb form

spend

show examples

money on gambling which again shows the negative impact. In conclusion,

independency

Replace the word

independence

show examples

is a boon in a plethora of ways. One should

therefore

look for the priorities of life. Even the judiciary says after 18 years of age, one can

take

Correct your spelling

make

show examples

voluntary decisions. So, it's all in the hands of youngsters to use

this

idea in a good or bad way &

also

how to lead their lives.

Submitted by bincy.ross on Tue Jan 03 2023

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Task Achievement

The essay does not fully address the prompt by providing a balanced discussion of both positive and negative aspects of teenagers having jobs while still in school.

Coherence and Cohesion

There is a lack of overall coherence and cohesion in the essay. It is recommended to use clear and logical paragraph development, as well as more cohesive devices to improve the overall flow of ideas.

Lexical Resource

The essay demonstrates a varied range of vocabulary and attempts to use complex structures. However, there are instances of inappropriate word choices and awkward phrasing.

Grammatical Range

The essay displays a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. However, there are errors in subject-verb agreement and awkward sentence constructions that impact the overall clarity and fluency of the essay.

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

284 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In some countries, teenagers have jobs while they are still students. Do you think this is a good idea? Support your opinion by using specific reasons and details.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people think that it is best to increase the fuel cost to reduce the pollution problems other think otherwise discuss both views and give your opinion

You bought a music concert ticket. However, you are unable to go. So you want to offer the ticket to your friend. Write a letter to your friend. In your letter: •say about the concert •say why you are unable to go •inform how your friend can receive the ticket

We are becoming increasingly dependent on computers. They are used in business, hospitals, crime detection and even to fly planes. What things will they be used in the future? Is this dependence on computers a good thing or should we be more suspicious of their benefits

People face far greater risks in the modern way of life than they did in the past. How far do you agree or disagree with this statement?

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some w ay Why is this? do you think it is a positive or a negative development?