IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

The government should pay to the parents of very young children, so that one of them can stay at home and look after their children. What do you think are the pros and cons of this policy? Justify your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#government #parents #children #home #policy
The parental
Correct article usage
Parental
show examples
 subsidization by
government
 policy is one of the topics that has stirred up controversy worldwide. We all
known
Change the form of the verb
know
show examples
 that the
first
 three years since the
kid
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 born is the most important stage as it is the point where
brain
Correct article usage
the brain
show examples
 and body highly develop. For the
government
 to pay the
parents
 of
Add an article
a newborn
the newborn
show examples
newborn
Fix the agreement mistake
newborns
show examples
, there are both
advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
show examples
 and
disadvantage
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
show examples
. I will point out some
including
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
example to be clearer. Looking
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the positive side,
parents
 can have time to fully pay attention to their kids’ development without worrying about earning an income for the family. According to the research from
Ministry
Correct article usage
the Ministry
show examples
 of Health in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
, it states that baby who were born and grow
under
Change preposition
up under
show examples
parents’
Correct pronoun usage
their parents’
show examples
 observation and attention tend to less commit a crime when they reach
teen
Correct article usage
the teen
show examples
 stage because
the
Change the word
their
show examples
loves
Fix the agreement mistake
love
show examples
 have been fulfilled since they were young. In consequence, it indirectly decreases the crime rate because the
kid
 does not feel like they have a mental issue to ask for attention from the family members.
However
, the country will significantly lose
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
middle-age range manpower for economic growth as people tend to get married and have kids around their thirties. People in
thirties
Correct pronoun usage
their thirties
show examples
 are in the stage where
they
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 career is going to be successful. If they need to quit the job to raise a
kid
,
then
 only inexperienced workers in
twenties
Correct pronoun usage
their twenties
show examples
 and elders are left in the market supply. As so, the
country
Change noun form
country's
show examples
economic
Replace the word
economy
show examples
 will not grow as it is
demand
Change preposition
in demand
show examples
.
In addition
, even
the
Correct word choice
if the
show examples
parents
 want to resume their career path after
the
Change the word
their
show examples
kid
attend
Correct subject-verb agreement
attends
show examples
 kindergarten school, they might not be able to follow up on the industry trend
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to those
same age
Add a hyphen
same-age
show examples
 workers who have been staying in their career path. In conclusion, the national crime rate could be decreased
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
 the child fully raised by
parents
 and being subsidized by the
government
. On the other
hands
Fix the agreement mistake
hand
show examples
, the
government
 is taking
risk
Correct article usage
a risk
show examples
 of economic development that does not grow as high as it should be if the
parents
 with kids
still
Add a missing verb
are still
show examples
 in the market.
Submitted by minichariie on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: