IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Eating too much sugar is harmful for health. Some people think that it is a government responsibility to limit people’s sugar consumption, while others think that it is individuals responsibility to limit the amount of sugar they eat. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#sugar #health #people #government #responsibility #limit #people’s #consumption #individuals #amount
Drastic effects on
health
 can
been
Change the verb form
be
show examples
 seen in those individuals who consume high amounts of
sugar
 in their diet. Many think that Government should make some laws to limit
sugar
 intake to protect
people
's
health
 while
other
Correct pronoun usage
others
show examples
 think that one should be responsible for their own
health
. In
this
 essay, I will discuss
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
both views and will give my opinion. Some
people
 believe that Government should make policies regarding
intake
Correct article usage
the intake
show examples
 of
sugar
 so that their citizens will be healthy.
Additionally
, money should be invested in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
awareness programs about
ill
Correct article usage
the ill
show examples
 effects of too much
sugar
 consumption.
For example
, if the
people
 of
nation
Correct article usage
a nation
show examples
 will be healthy
then
 only that nation can progress. By educating the
people
 , serious
health
 conditions can be prevented which ultimately
reduce
Correct subject-verb agreement
reduces
show examples
 the stress on
health
Add an article
the health
show examples
 care system. On the other side,
people
 should be responsible for their
health
 and can make choices which will promote their
heath
Correct your spelling
health
show examples
. Food is the basic need of every individual and these days
people
 have tremendous information available to use to make healthy choices.
People
 should not be forced to do something. In conclusion, it is the shared responsibility of both
Government
Correct article usage
the Government
show examples
 and
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 to control their
sugar
 intake so that
people
 have healthy lives and live longer.
Submitted by dnarinder on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: