IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that celebrities should be role models for young people. Other people believe that parents and teachers should be role models for children. Discuss the advantages of both and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words

#people #celebrities #role #models #parents #teachers #children
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays,some people believe that celebrities should be
role
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
model
Fix the agreement mistake
models
show examples
 to our younger
generations
Use synonyms
,while others think that folks and school teachers are the real heroes.I advocate both points of view, and I will discuss the advantages of both opinions in
this
Linking Words
 essay.
To begin
Linking Words
 ,it is compelling for younger
generations
Use synonyms
 to take celebrities
such
Linking Words
 as actress,singers and football players as their
role
Use synonyms
 models ,and there is a lot of advantages to
this
Linking Words
.
First
Linking Words
, having a singer
for example
Linking Words
 your mentor can affect your daily basis and all aspects of your
life
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
,you can learn from the king of pop ,Michael Jackson the peace he fought for all his
life
Use synonyms
 between humans begins,and to stop war all over the world ,as well as equality between all races.
Secondly
Linking Words
,public figures on younger
generations
Use synonyms
 have a positive influence on them .
In addition
Linking Words
, a football player like David Beckham and the charity he has done for humankind
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
is a big motive for a lot of his fans back
then
Linking Words
,which by default was a big impact on the unprofitable charity institutions later on.
On the contrary
Linking Words
 ,parents and teachers can be as well a mentor for their children ,and with a lot of advantages which sometimes can be more essential than celebrities.
First
Linking Words
 and foremost,having your
role
Use synonyms
model
Use synonyms
 in front of you by meeting him regularly can give a
Use synonyms
life
Replace the word
living
show examples
 example of how younger
generations
Use synonyms
 should react and accumulate experiences.Plus,getting more information
first
Linking Words
-hand from teachers or parents ,
instead
Linking Words
 of waiting for your best player or celebrity to post on social media,is much more effective.
In addition
Linking Words
 ,when you have a
role
Use synonyms
model
Use synonyms
 from your community,you will relate more to what is happening around you,and younger
generations
Use synonyms
 will analyse even the bigger picture. To sum up,in my own opinion there is no conflict if you had a celebrity for your parent and teacher as a
role
Use synonyms
model
Use synonyms
,both ways you need to choose the right mentor,so he could be your guide to have a successful
life
Use synonyms
 later on.
Submitted by mazenabujabal on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: