IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Young people who commit crimes should be treated in the same as adults who commit crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #crimes #adults #crime
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Some
people
Use synonyms
 are of the opinion that the punishment of youths and adults who commit offences should be punished in similar ways. I am totally unconvinced of
this
Linking Words
 notion since I believe that the immaturity of adolescent offenders makes them commit a crime so there should be less strict rules regarding their punishment compared to criminal adults, which will be discussed as follows: The first reason why I disagree with the idea of the same treatment towards youngsters and old offenders is that young
people
Use synonyms
 are less mature with their manners.
This
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 is to say that
due to
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 their low age and lack of experience, they are more susceptible to being afflicted by bad peers or role models. To illustrate, many of them start smoking owing to peer pressure.
Secondly
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, at an early age,
people
Use synonyms
 are in need of attention and try to satisfy it by being compatible with others.
For instance
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, they may
involve
Wrong verb form
be involved
show examples
 in juvenile delinquent gangs in order to imitate their peers.
Therefore
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, the youth should not be punished the same as the grown man who decides wisely.
On the other hand
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, if young offenders are put in prison like criminal adults,
this
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 record would make finding a job more difficult for them in future which will adversely affect the whole of their lives and
leads
Correct subject-verb agreement
lead
show examples
 to turning to crime again.
Hence
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, it is more effective to be reformed in the right way.
For instance
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, they can receive education in vocational training, principle values, and personal skills. In conclusion,
while
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 some
people
Use synonyms
 hold the view that the same punishment should be
posed
Verb problem
imposed
show examples
 on both criminal youngsters and elders, I think that the young should have more opportunities to be forgiven because of their low age and immaturity.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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task response
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coherence and cohesion
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