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Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries, people are having children at later age in life. What are the reasons? Do the advantage outweigh disadvantages?

#countries #people #children #age #life #advantage
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Raising
kids
Use synonyms
 at an old
age
Use synonyms
 might be a big hit in some countries.
Although
Linking Words
 for some
couple
Use synonyms
 having
new
Add an article
a new
show examples
 baby born
bring
Add the particle
to bring
show examples
 them joy and pride as they
are officially become
Change to the active voice
officially become
have officially become
show examples
 new
parents
Use synonyms
, we cannot pigeonhole the possibility of
double-edged
Add an article
a double-edged
show examples
 sword in terms of
financial
Add an article
a financial
the financial
show examples
 and mental issue if they are not well-prepared to handle
this
Linking Words
 position.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
how raising
kids
Use synonyms
Change preposition
at in
show examples
in
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
 early
age
Use synonyms
 might bring
parents
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
several drawbacks for their
kids
Use synonyms
 or even for their
marriage
Replace the word
marital
show examples
 harmony.
First
Linking Words
 and foremost, one of the major reasons why some
Use synonyms
couple
Fix the agreement mistake
couples
show examples
decide
Change the verb form
decides
show examples
 raising
kids
Use synonyms
 at later
age
Use synonyms
 into consideration is owing to career settlement.
Linking Words
This
Change the determiner
These
show examples
 supporters believe, achieving their dreams in working or studying is way more
a
Change preposition
of a
show examples
priority. In fact, having children might distract their goals since they have to grow and nurture their
kids
Use synonyms
 from
day to day
Add a hyphen
day-to-day
show examples
 life.
For instance
Linking Words
, in South Korea where locals are facing a shrink
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
birth fertility since raising
kids
Use synonyms
 ost a lot of money.
Parents
Use synonyms
 should save their income for their
kids
Use synonyms
' education, health and daily needs which makes them feel
Add an article
the burden
a burden
show examples
burden
Wrong verb form
burdened
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, compared
just
Change preposition
to just
show examples
 living as a
couple
Use synonyms
. Another assumption might
related
Change the verb form
relate
be related
show examples
 to quality time.
This
Linking Words
 might ensue to some
newlyled
Correct your spelling
newlywed
couple
Use synonyms
 as they
still
Add a missing verb
are still
show examples
comfortablle
Correct your spelling
comfortable
to spend
Change the verb form
spending
show examples
 honeymoon time the most with their partner before having
kids
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, raising
kids
Use synonyms
 at later
age
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 have some drawbacks. As they are getting older, it can take a risk to give birth and might cause women in danger. Let us take
example
Add an article
an example
the example
show examples
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 Indonesia, where some women experience miscarriage as
she
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 give birth
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 40-50 years old. If
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon continues for
long
Change the article
a long
show examples
 time, the fertility rate in
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
 will
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
significantly decline and impact
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the country's economy. In conclusion, even though raising
kids
Use synonyms
 at old
age
Use synonyms
 can possibly
risky
Add a missing verb
be risky
show examples
 for women,
however
Linking Words
, we have to consider the readiness of couples to bear the position
as
Change preposition
of
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
.
Hence
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, both of them are ready financially and mentally to have
kids
Use synonyms
 after some consideration, it will
also
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 give positive
impacts
Fix the agreement mistake
impact
show examples
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their
babyborn
Correct your spelling
baby born
grow
Replace the word
growth
show examples
 progress.
Thus
Linking Words
, the positive effect of having
kids
Use synonyms
 at later
age
Use synonyms
 definitely
surpass
Correct subject-verb agreement
surpasses
show examples
 the downside.
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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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