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Writing Samples
Band 4

SOME SCHOOL LEAVERS TEND TO GO TRAVELLING OR WORK A PERIOD OF TIME BEFORE GOING TO UNIVERSITY. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend?

#school #leavers #work #period #time #university #trend
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Children
’s academic performance is given top priority
to
Change preposition
by
show examples
 most families, and
if
Correct word choice
apply
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it is essential for
children
 to study
art
 has become an important concern for parents and society. From my perspective,
art
 is an essential subject for
children
 at school even though it may inevitably sacrifice
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
precious learning time. Admittedly, encouraging
children
 to spend more time
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
getting involved in
art
 courses may possibly lead to the potential risk of slipping test scores periodically, which is particularly noteworthy under the present education system, where the exam grade is still the most critical and direct criterion to determine whether a child can be admitted to an ideal school and have a bright future. What is more, vivid and interesting
art
 classes may even provide the incentive for
children
 to escape relatively boring academic learning with the plausible excuse of calculating their taste, which will
also
 exert
negative
Add an article
a negative
show examples
 impact on
children
’s academic progress.
However
, promoting
children
’s
art
 taste and mental well-being through encouraging routine
art
 activities should be attached
more
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to more
show examples
 importance. For one thing, taking an active part in
art
 subject is beneficial to find and
understand
Wrong verb form
understanding
show examples
 beauty, which is a prerequisite for loving life. CAI Yuanpei, a famous Chinese educator, said: "The purpose of aesthetic education is to cultivate people's feelings. It will guide
children
 to purify their hearts, develop a noble and pure personality, and pursue all good things." As is known to all,
academic
Correct article usage
the academic
show examples
 learning process generally means long periods of
left brain
Add a hyphen
left-brain
show examples
 logical thinking training, participating in more
art
 classes can effectively help
children
 to exercise the right brain abstract
art
 thinking. For another, parents can help to relieve their
children
’s stress by encouraging them to draw or paint, given that the resulting
hormonic
Correct your spelling
harmonic
 level change of engaging in
art
 subject is conducive to the release of tension derived from the busy study schedule, which is
also
 of great value to improve learning efficiency in the long term. In conclusion, I believe that parents and society should encourage
children
 to allocate more time to participate in
art
 courses considering the positive influences mentally and if arranged properly, it can
also
, to some extent, facilitate the learning process. "Because
art
 is an extension of the human spirit. The life of a man who lives in a world completely cut off from beauty is exhausted."
Submitted by chengx on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • practical life experiences
  • real-world experiences
  • personal growth
  • independence
  • academic performance
  • recharge
  • refocus
  • career exploration
  • academic momentum
  • financial implications
  • unpaid internships
  • professionally
  • self-esteem
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