SOME SCHOOL LEAVERS TEND TO GO TRAVELLING OR WORK A PERIOD OF TIME BEFORE GOING TO UNIVERSITY. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend?

#school #leavers #work #period #time #university #trend

Children

’s academic performance is given top priority

Change preposition

show examples

most families, and

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

it is essential for

children

to study

art

has become an important concern for parents and society. From my perspective,

art

is an essential subject for

children

at school even though it may inevitably sacrifice

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

precious learning time. Admittedly, encouraging

children

to spend more time

Change preposition

apply

show examples

getting involved in

art

courses may possibly lead to the potential risk of slipping test scores periodically, which is particularly noteworthy under the present education system, where the exam grade is still the most critical and direct criterion to determine whether a child can be admitted to an ideal school and have a bright future. What is more, vivid and interesting

art

classes may even provide the incentive for

children

to escape relatively boring academic learning with the plausible excuse of calculating their taste, which will

also

exert

negative

Add an article

a negative

show examples

impact on

children

’s academic progress.

However

, promoting

children

’s

art

taste and mental well-being through encouraging routine

art

activities should be attached

Change preposition

to more

show examples

importance. For one thing, taking an active part in

art

subject is beneficial to find and

understand

Wrong verb form

understanding

show examples

beauty, which is a prerequisite for loving life. CAI Yuanpei, a famous Chinese educator, said: "The purpose of aesthetic education is to cultivate people's feelings. It will guide

children

to purify their hearts, develop a noble and pure personality, and pursue all good things." As is known to all,

academic

Correct article usage

the academic

show examples

learning process generally means long periods of

left brain

Add a hyphen

left-brain

show examples

logical thinking training, participating in more

art

classes can effectively help

children

to exercise the right brain abstract

art

thinking. For another, parents can help to relieve their

children

’s stress by encouraging them to draw or paint, given that the resulting

hormonic

Correct your spelling

harmonic

level change of engaging in

art

subject is conducive to the release of tension derived from the busy study schedule, which is

also

of great value to improve learning efficiency in the long term. In conclusion, I believe that parents and society should encourage

children

to allocate more time to participate in

art

courses considering the positive influences mentally and if arranged properly, it can

also

, to some extent, facilitate the learning process. "Because

art

is an extension of the human spirit. The life of a man who lives in a world completely cut off from beauty is exhausted."

Submitted by chengx on Fri Jan 06 2023

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Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
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Sentence 3 - Discussion
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2Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

387 words

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Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

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Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

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Lexical resource: 4.0

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Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

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Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

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Topic Vocabulary:

practical life experiences
real-world experiences
personal growth
independence
academic performance
recharge
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career exploration
academic momentum
financial implications
unpaid internships
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self-esteem

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SOME SCHOOL LEAVERS TEND TO GO TRAVELLING OR WORK A PERIOD OF TIME BEFORE GOING TO UNIVERSITY. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend?

Fully explain your ideas

Having more money and less free time is better than earning less money and having more free time. Discuss both views and state your opinion.

Some people believe that it is good for a country's culture to import foreign movies and TV programmes. others think that it is better to produce these locally. Dicuss both views and give you own opinion.

Some people think that individuals today are more dependent on each other. Others believe people have become more independent. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Disruptive school children have negative influence on others. students who are noisy and disobedient should be grouped together and taught separately. Do you agree or disagree with this view

in some countries, a few earn extremely high salaries. Some people think that this is good for a country, while others believe that the government should control salaries and limit the amount people can earn Discuss both the views and give your opinion.