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In some countries an increasing number of children are overweigh as a result of eating too much fast food. It is necessary for governments to ban selling this kind of food in schools. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#countries #children #overweigh #food #governments #ban #schools
It is believed that the number of overweight
children
 keeps adding up
as a result
 of consuming too much fast
food
 in some nations.
Therefore
, the governments should restrict
this
 type of
food
 in schools. I agree with
this
 opinion because it is important to keep
children
 healthy.
Firstly
, consuming healthy
food
 can support
children
's activities. As we know, the school has numerous physical and non-physical activities for long hours and during the break
time
, the students will have
time
 to recharge their energy by having lunch. At
this
time
, it is crucial that they need to consume enough sources of protein,
fiber
Change the spelling
fibre
show examples
 and carbohydrates. It is because
this
 balance can help maximize their brain activity and make their body stronger.
On the other hand
, fast
food
 has too much sodium
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 leads to obesity and makes them easily get sleepy.
As a result
, they become less productive, more aggressive and hard to understand the lessons. Another sound argument is some kids
also
 consume fast
food
 after school
time
 because perhaps their parents do not have
time
 to cook.
This
 means
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the chances of taking fast
food
 are higher than if the school limited their intake. When the government apply
this
 regulation it will be affected the
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 habit
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 always paying attention to their
food
 selection.
In addition
, the parents
also
 feel calm knowing their
children
 are in good hands. In conclusion, the fast
food
 restriction will bring
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of benefits not only for the
children
 but
also
 for the parents. It is because healthy
food
 will support the kids' activities and make the more productive.
Submitted by fitri.antoni on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

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  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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