IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people
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Nowadays, high levels of
sugar
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 are contained in many sources of food, especially in manufactured food.
In addition
Linking Words
to
Change preposition
apply
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, eating so much
sugar
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 is not good for our health. It can
causes
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cause
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 major problems, like the increasing level of
sugar
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 in
blood
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the blood
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. Some
people
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 suggest that sugary
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
 should be more expensive, so
people
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 would buy
less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
show examples
 of them. I totally agree with the statement since it may eventually mitigate the problem. Expensive goods are less popular among customers. In fact, most individuals are interested in buying less expensive
foods
Use synonyms
 and beverages.
Therefore
Linking Words
, most of the multinational
companies
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 which produce
high
Add a hyphen
high-sugar
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sugar
Use synonyms
 drinks,
such
Linking Words
 as Coca-Cola, 7-up, etc. usually make sure that their products are much cheaper than other available drinks. If the government decide to impose
higher
Add an article
a higher
show examples
 tax on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unhealthy food items, the manufacturing
companies
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 will have to increase the
price
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 of the products.
As a result
Linking Words
,
these sugary product
Change the determiner
this sugary product
these sugary products
show examples
 will be less popular among
people
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.
Additionally
Linking Words
, by increasing the
price
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 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unhealthy snacks and drinks, the authorities can indirectly influence manufacturers to switch to alternative
healthy
Replace the word
health
show examples
 products. Increased
price
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 tags will become a massive problem for
companies
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 as it results in less profit.
Accordingly
Linking Words
, the
companies
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 may decide to produce items with less amount of
sugar
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, some countries have recently increased
Use synonyms
price
Correct article usage
the price
show examples
 of
sugary
Add an article
the sugary
show examples
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
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.
Hence
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unhealthy
foods
Use synonyms
 are being replaced by healthy
foods
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,
such
Linking Words
 as fresh fruit juice. To sum it up, higher
sugar
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 consumption has become a critical issue in many nations owing to the increase in health problems among
people
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. One of the main situations to tackle
this
Linking Words
 problem would be implementing
higher
Add an article
a higher
show examples
Use synonyms
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
 on these
foods
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by mfh.faisalhasan on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
What to do next:
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