IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people
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Nowadays, high levels of
carbohydrate
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carbohydrates
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 are contained in many sources of food, especially in manufactured food.
In addition
Linking Words
, eating so much carbohydrate is not good for our health. It can cause major problems, like the increasing level of
carbohydrate
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carbohydrates
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 in the blood. Some public suggest that sugary
products
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 should be more expensive, so
public
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the public
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 would buy fewer of them. I totally agree with the statement since it may eventually mitigate the problem. Expensive goods are less popular among customers. In fact, most individuals are interested in buying
less
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a less
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 expensive
meal
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meals
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 and beverages. As a consequence, most of the multinational
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group
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groups
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 which produce high-carbohydrate drinks,
such
Linking Words
 as Coca-Cola, 7-up, etc. usually make sure that their
products
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 are much cheaper than other available drinks. If the government decide to impose a higher tax on unhealthy food items, the manufacturing
group
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 will have to increase the
price
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 of the
products
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.
As a result
Linking Words
, these sugary
products
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 will be less popular among
folk
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the folk
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. On top of that, by increasing the number of unhealthy snacks and drinks, the authorities can indirectly influence manufacturers to switch to alternative health
products
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. Increased
price
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 tags will become a massive problem for
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group
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the group
a group
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 as it results in less profit.
Accordingly
Linking Words
, the
group
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 may decide to produce items with less amount of sugar.
For example
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, some countries have recently increased the
price
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 of sugary
products
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.
Hence
Linking Words
, unhealthy foods are being replaced by healthy foods,
such
Linking Words
 as fresh fruit juice. To sum it up, higher sugar consumption has become a critical issue in many nations owing to the increase in health problems among people. One of the main situations to tackle
this
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 problem would be implementing
higher
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a higher
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Use synonyms
price
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prices
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 on these foods.
Submitted by mfh.faisalhasan on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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