IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

TOPIC: some students tend to play computer games rather than do sports.Why is this?What can be done to tackle the problem?

Students
Use synonyms
 nowadays have much more access to
tecnology
Correct your spelling
technology
 compared to the past and
this
Linking Words
 brings much more recreational options. In the past
sports
Use synonyms
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
praticaly
Correct your spelling
practically
 the only way to distract and interact with each other. But some adolescents tend to play
computer
Use synonyms
 games rather than
sports
Use synonyms
 and
this
Linking Words
 is a problem for their
healthy
Replace the word
health
show examples
 since. Some actions can be done by the schools to tackle
Linking Words
this problems
Change the determiner
this problem
these problems
show examples
.
Firstly
Linking Words
 schools
needs
Change the verb form
need
show examples
 to create agenda to promote
sports
Use synonyms
 by teaching how to exercise and play a large kind of type. By doing
this
Linking Words
 kids may have the chance to try something new that they like and keep practising it.
Students
Use synonyms
 tend to use the easy road to things and it is easier to turn a
computer
Use synonyms
 on than
to
Correct your spelling
do
show examples
ten
Add a missing verb
do ten
show examples
push ups
Add a hyphen
push-ups
show examples
.
Secondly
Linking Words
 , applying
limit
Correct article usage
a limit
show examples
 to
computer
Use synonyms
 access during
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
classes and bringing back notebooks and pencils
wich
Correct your spelling
which
show examples
 makes
students
Use synonyms
 pay more attention to the teacher.
This
Linking Words
 will help with their focus and probably the
next
Linking Words
 time that they play a
computer
Use synonyms
 game they won't enjoy it so much. In conclusion, it
known
Add the auxiliary verb
is known
show examples
 that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
access
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
tecnology
Correct your spelling
technology
 promotes a change of
habbits
Correct your spelling
habits
 in many ways some for good and others for bad.
Students
Use synonyms
 that
does
Change the verb form
do
show examples
 not interact with
sports
Use synonyms
 at
theis
Correct your spelling
this
adolesceness
Correct your spelling
adolescence
adolescents
 tend to have health problems. With more effort
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
schools
Add a comma
,schools
show examples
this
Linking Words
 problem may be tackled and solved with time.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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