Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

Many companies make their
products
with a great quantity of
sugar
, which leads to
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
several health diseases.
This
essay displays
the
Correct word choice
that the
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cost of aliments with
sugar
should be increased to promote
people
eating
Change the verb form
to eat
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less
sugar
.
Although
it might be a solution, I don’t agree
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
topic. Nowadays,
sugar
food
and drink
products
are the main
factor
Change the noun form
factors
show examples
which leads to
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
several diseases
such
as heart, mental problems, obesity, and diabetes. So, a huge number of companies try to increase the price
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
that kind of
products
Fix the agreement mistake
product
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to lower their consumption. In fact, we can see a lot of
people
who don’t care about all the problems that can occur to their health, they continue eating more junk
food
with a lot of fat,
sugar
Correct word choice
and sugar
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. The main reason why
people
chose processed
food
instead
of
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
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one, is because a great quantity of fat, and carbohydrates make the aliment much tastier.
For example
,
although
McDonalds
Change noun form
Mcdonald's
Mcdonalds'
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and KFC companies try to increase prices,
people
chose eating junk
food
without any doubts. My take on
this
, I disagree with
this
topic, because the increasing price will never solve the problem of avoiding sweet
products
and drinks. In my point of view,
government
Add an article
the government
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should invest
on
Change preposition
in
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making healthy
food
,
for example
,
instead
of adding
sugar
, they can use sweeteners which don’t have a considerable impact on our health. In a nutshell,
sugar
products
might lead to a significant problem, but increasing their price will not solve anything
,
Remove the comma
apply
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until we try to avoid those
aliments
Correct your spelling
ailments
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to have a healthy life.
Submitted by cristi.corceac on

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

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To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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