IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Television is dangerous because it destroys family life and any sense of community; instead of visiting people or talking with our family we jus watch television. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#television #life #sense #community #people #jus
Some
people
 believe that
television
 breaks our social life and,
consequently
, a
person
 who
watches
Correct subject-verb agreement
watch
show examples
TV
stops
Correct subject-verb agreement
stop
show examples
 communicating with their family and friends
instead
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
they start watching
television
. Many including me disagree with
this
 point of view and consider it nonsense. I can understand the point of view of the opponents of
TV
. There are a lot of
people
 who prefer to stay home and watch a new program than spend time with their relatives or friends, and
thus
Rephrase
apply
show examples
they want to live their comfortable life in front of a screen, but it hurts those close to them.
For example
, 14-year-old Chinese student Xu Hunggua completely stopped talking to his parents after he discovered
television
.
This
 means that a
person
 addicted to watching shows and movies can even cut off his own family and become socially isolated. But at the same time, I'm not sure that
TV
 is
such
 an important part of our life. I know a lot of stories about crazy
television
 fans who hate everyone who tries to distract them from their favourite show, but, usually, it's a lie. Of course, there are special cases when a
person
 is mentally ill and depends on looking at the screen, but I consider that a really unusual situation. If a
person
 actually depends on watching
television
 they need medical help. Other
people
 are usually just introverted and lazy, but if they want, they can stand up and begin to communicate or work.
Overall
, I believe that the era of
TV
 is ending and that most
people
 prefer their computers or mobile phones to watch the movies and shows that they want.
Also
, it's always a lot of fun to watch something with friends. And that means that you can spend time with them on the sofa without leaving home.
Submitted by azlivingma on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Provide a more balanced view addressing both perspectives to fully respond to the task.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that there is a clear introduction and conclusion that frame the essay effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: