IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Discipline is a growing problem in modern schools. Some people think that parents should discipline their own children, while others think it should be the responsibility of the government. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#discipline #schools #people #parents #children #responsibility #government
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In current times, discipline becoming a necessary portion of modern schools. Few people in society think that parents should guide their children and others think it should be the duty of the lawmakers. I will discuss both views and give my opinion. On the one hand, regularity is an essential part of successful life balance. It is directly connected to focus. Since students perform well in their
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
, discipline creates a big impact on their brain structure. Nowadays, obesity became a serious issue
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the world, children became
more lazy
Replace the words
lazier
show examples
 towards exercise and other healthy activities.
This
Linking Words
 habit person adopts
an
Change preposition
at an
show examples
 early age.
In addition
Linking Words
, initial stage child mostly time spend with their parents and family members.
Consequently
Linking Words
, family members, directly and indirectly,
put
Correct your spelling
but
show examples
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 impact
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
baby's
Correct article usage
a baby's
show examples
 brain development. In India, newborn babies spend
most
Add an article
the most
show examples
 time with relatives and they constantly talk with them
on
Change preposition
about
show examples
 different topics
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
at night time they tell them different stories and incidents.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 authorities
also
Linking Words
 put concentration on
this
Linking Words
 parameter, adults are the backbone of
society
Change noun form
society's
show examples
 future.
Consequently
Linking Words
, they always create some rules for teenagers. School faculty plays critical roles in students.
In addition
Linking Words
, authorities create some training programs for faculty members. So, they upgrade their children. In India, every year government spend some amount of funds for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
teacher training course
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
outside
Add an article
an outside
show examples
country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
 and
end
Change preposition
as end
show examples
 result
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
past
Correct article usage
the past
show examples
 few years many startups created by school students. To put it into a nutshell, lawmakers and family both are essential for discipline development in
adults
Change the noun form
adult
show examples
 age groups and create
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 future for the country.
Submitted by meet.mevada1997 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: