Some people believe that children's leisure activities must be educational, otherwise they are a complete waste of time. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #children #leisure #activities #waste #time

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is commonly think

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is commonly thought

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that

Use synonyms

pupil's

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pupils'

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entertainment

activities

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should be educational and if not waste their

valuble

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valuable

time. But I disagree with

this

Linking Words

statment

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statement

because we should give them

priority

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a priority

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for

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make

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making

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decision

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decisions

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about that.

Firsly

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Firstly

First

, academic subjects must be important to all

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pupil's

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pupils

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, because they

are

Unnecessary verb

apply

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gain

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gaining

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knowledge about the world fact from

the

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apply

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academic subjects. But it is not enough for the

wining

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winning

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achieve

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to achieve

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future goal.

Therefore

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, the

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pupil's

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pupils

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gain life experience from entertainment

activities

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Linking Words

Also

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,Also

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it is necessary to develop our Concernrate ability and protect from future illnesses.

For example

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,nowadays all the Sri Lankan

Scools

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schools

before Start class they arrange for the students some exercise program. Because they

are believe

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believe

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regular exercise could develop student

Concenrated

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Concentrated

ability and they can reduce overweight.

Therefore

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reduce

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reducing

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overwight

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overweight

could protect From

the

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apply

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future illnesses

such

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diabetic

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diabetes

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. So due to that fact, leisure

activities

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must be compulsory.

Secondly

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relaxation

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a relaxation

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workout

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workouts

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could develop

creative

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a creative

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mindset. Because while they are

Studing

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Studying

they can draw

arts

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art

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and could improve their creative skills.

Linking Words

Also

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,Also

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some of

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Correct article usage

the pupil's

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pupil's

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pupils

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could

listen

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tolisten

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music and

some day

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someday

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they can

singing

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sing

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song

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songs

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attractively.

Therefore

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, those who are developed creative talents could be found

better

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a better

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profession

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professions

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. Because these days some companies not looking

people

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for people

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education

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with education

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background

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backgrounds

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and need

human

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a human

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talant

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talent

who can do work with his creative skill.

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, doing

chef

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a chef

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job

not

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is not

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necessary for the educational background, because

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apply

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all hospitality industries looking people who have

Correct article usage

apply

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creative experience.

That is

Linking Words

the reason

activities

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how

Correct word choice

and

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leisure

important

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are important

show examples

Use synonyms

pupil's

Correct article usage

a pupil's

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life. In conclusion, I strongly believe that all

are

Unnecessary verb

apply

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the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

Use synonyms

pupil's

Change the noun form

pupils

pupil

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should do entertainment

workout

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workouts

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. Because they could get more

benefit

Fix the agreement mistake

benefits

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in their life and leisure

workout

Fix the agreement mistake

workouts

show examples

not necessary to be an academic.

Submitted by asankabiz84 on Sun Jan 08 2023

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
56
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

284 words

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Some people believe that children's leisure activities must be educational, otherwise they are a complete waste of time. Do you agree or disagree?

The tradition that famliy gets together to eat meals is disappearing. What are the reasons? What are the impacts on families and societies?

Many young people do not spend their holidays and weekends doing outdoor activities like hiking and climbing in natural environments. Why is this the case? How can they be encouraged to go out?

some people think that people who choose a job early and keep doing it are more likely to get a satisfying career life than those who frequently change jobs. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people say that what children is their behaviour. other leave the amount of time they spend on television influences their behaviour most. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Very few schoolchildren learn about the value of money and how to look after it, yet this is a critical life skill that should be taught as part of the school curriculum. Do you agree or disagree?