Some people believe that children's leisure activities must be educational, otherwise they are a complete waste of time. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #children #leisure #activities #waste #time

is commonly think

Change the verb form

is commonly thought

show examples

that

pupil's

Fix the agreement mistake

pupils'

show examples

entertainment

activities

should be educational and if not waste their

valuble

Correct your spelling

valuable

time. But I disagree with

this

statment

Correct your spelling

statement

because we should give them

priority

Add an article

a priority

show examples

for

Change preposition

show examples

make

Change the verb form

making

show examples

decision

Fix the agreement mistake

decisions

show examples

about that.

Firsly

Correct your spelling

Firstly

First

, academic subjects must be important to all

pupil's

Change noun form

pupils

show examples

, because they

are

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

gain

Change the form of the verb

gaining

show examples

knowledge about the world fact from

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

academic subjects. But it is not enough for the

wining

Correct your spelling

winning

show examples

achieve

Add the particle

to achieve

show examples

future goal.

Therefore

, the

pupil's

Change noun form

pupils

show examples

gain life experience from entertainment

activities

Also

Add a comma

,Also

show examples

it is necessary to develop our Concernrate ability and protect from future illnesses.

For example

,nowadays all the Sri Lankan

Scools

Correct your spelling

schools

before Start class they arrange for the students some exercise program. Because they

are believe

Change the verb form

believe

show examples

regular exercise could develop student

Concenrated

Correct your spelling

Concentrated

ability and they can reduce overweight.

Therefore

reduce

Wrong verb form

reducing

show examples

overwight

Correct your spelling

overweight

could protect From

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

future illnesses

such

diabetic

Replace the word

diabetes

show examples

. So due to that fact, leisure

activities

must be compulsory.

Secondly

relaxation

Correct article usage

a relaxation

show examples

workout

Fix the agreement mistake

workouts

show examples

could develop

creative

Add an article

a creative

show examples

mindset. Because while they are

Studing

Correct your spelling

Studying

they can draw

arts

Fix the agreement mistake

art

show examples

and could improve their creative skills.

Also

Add a comma

,Also

show examples

some of

Correct article usage

the pupil's

show examples

pupil's

Change noun form

pupils

show examples

could

listen

Add the preposition

tolisten

show examples

music and

some day

Correct your spelling

someday

show examples

they can

singing

Wrong verb form

sing

show examples

song

Fix the agreement mistake

songs

show examples

attractively.

Therefore

, those who are developed creative talents could be found

better

Correct article usage

a better

show examples

profession

Fix the agreement mistake

professions

show examples

. Because these days some companies not looking

people

Change preposition

for people

show examples

education

Change preposition

with education

show examples

background

Fix the agreement mistake

backgrounds

show examples

and need

human

Correct article usage

a human

show examples

talant

Correct your spelling

talent

who can do work with his creative skill.

For example

, doing

chef

Correct article usage

a chef

show examples

job

not

Add a missing verb

is not

show examples

necessary for the educational background, because

Change preposition

apply

show examples

all hospitality industries looking people who have

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

creative experience.

That is

the reason

activities

how

Correct word choice

and

show examples

leisure

important

Add a missing verb

are important

show examples

pupil's

Correct article usage

a pupil's

show examples

life. In conclusion, I strongly believe that all

are

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

pupil's

Change the noun form

pupils

pupil

show examples

should do entertainment

workout

Fix the agreement mistake

workouts

show examples

. Because they could get more

benefit

Fix the agreement mistake

benefits

show examples

in their life and leisure

workout

Fix the agreement mistake

workouts

show examples

not necessary to be an academic.

Submitted by asankabiz84 on Sun Jan 08 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
56Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

284 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

7
band
Schools should teach children good behaviour and introduce ideas of "right" and "wrong". It should not only be left to parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Is it right to say that children should learn behavioural ethics from schools as well? As a matter of fact, many a man more often than not tend to believe that decision-making skills and etiquette should not be limited to parents but also taught in schools. I firmly agree with this notion and explain my point of view in the upcoming paragraphs.
5
band
Most major cities around the world continue to grow at a phenomenal rate due to the massive increase in population. This has led to a general decline in the quality of life in city areas as the environment becomes more crowded and polluted. Give some reasons why this growth has occurred and suggest some practical solutions to this problem.
In our day and age, big cities are facing some issues that were affected by the tremendous growth of population. One example of the problem is the quality of the air and environment. In this essay, I will elaborate on the factors behind the concerned issue while also providing some solutions.
6
band
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Only people who earn a lot of money are successful. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
Some individuals think that success could be measured only by wealth however I totally disagree with this statement. There are many factors that define the advance of a human. This essay will discuss various factors that define success.
4
band
Your child is going on a three day school trip to another country. The head teacher wants to find parents to go with the group and you would like to go. Write a letter to the head teacher. In your letter: ● Say why you would like to go on the trip ● Suggest what you could do to help during the trip ● Ask other questions about the trip
I am Shiva Prasad, father of Devansh, who was studying in the 4th class in your school. I came to know that a school trip is planned to abroad for 3 days. I am writing this letter to inform my willingness in attending the camp in overseas.
4.5
band
In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.
In recent years, there are many students want to gap for a year after they finished high school. Some people think it is an opportunity to increase own life skills and relax. But another people think we should not to do that. In my opinion, there are both advantages and disadvantages.

Some people believe that children's leisure activities must be educational, otherwise they are a complete waste of time. Do you agree or disagree?

Schools should teach children good behaviour and introduce ideas of "right" and "wrong". It should not only be left to parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Only people who earn a lot of money are successful. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.