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Band 4.5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people
It is true that many people these days are consuming high levels of sugar, but I do not think that people are not going to stop buying processed food and beverages whether its expensive or cheap. I guarantee consumers will not notice the difference between the quantity of sugar and the price.
Therefore
, I disagree with the statement.
First
 of all,
Instead
 of raising the cost of it, I recommend people to search for products with lower calories.
For example
, you can easily find zero-calorie products even in the
convenient
Replace the word
convenience
show examples
 store. In my case, I am the one who is trying to reduce sugar intake, so I actually tried those several times, and the taste was literally the same as others which contain high calories.
Also
, when I was travelling to Japan, one restaurant was selling
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
coke which prevents the absorption of fat.
This
 product does not exist in Korea, so it was quite intriguing because of the special function even though it's a 'Coke'.
Moreover
, I think the way to maintain their health is up to one's will, not the
company
Change noun form
company's
show examples
.
In other words
, only the Individual's strong will can adjust their health. so, encouraging the public to do more exercise is much beneficial
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their health
such
 as walking, climbing, biking.. etc.
For instance
, participating in exercise challenges which
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 happening
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 social media can
also
 be the solution to
this
 problem. You can see many participants doing exercise and taking pictures of themselves and posting them on their web feed, and
this
 could be a positive stimulation for everyone who's on the platform to lose weight and eat less.
Submitted by toybox29 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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