The widespread use of the Internet gives people more freedom at home instead of going to work or college. Do you think its advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

The recent computer development has resulted in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
burgeoning number of
people
working at home and
students
learning through the Internet.
This
is definitely positive in some particular aspects. The enhancement of
technology
can be considered as an effective measure to deal with the lack of employment. It is a driving force for
people
to operate their own businesses online which can generate a larger income.
For example
, Vietnamese
people
are witnessing a dramatically growing number of online sales pages
such
as Tiki or Lazada which earn telephone figure profits per year.
This
improvement leads us to a distinctively new era of economics/market in which
highly
Change the word
high
show examples
unemployment incidence is no longer a tough and urgent problem for governments.
Therefore
, the development of computer
technology
is
for sure
Rephrase
certainly
show examples
necessary and beneficial from
this
point of view.
This
aforementioned development
also
fosters the self-learning competence of undergraduates.
Firstly
,
people
now are granted access to a huge storage of rewarding knowledge which is especially helpful and relevant to their studies at school. Wikipedia, for a prime example, is used for researching information in
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
such
terms of history, geography or chemistry by a vast number of
students
around the world.
Secondly
, social networks
such
as Facebook and Instagram which are an advance of
technology
in recent years have empowered
students
to contact
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
each other and
together
Rephrase
apply
show examples
cope with hard exercises regardless of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
geographic adversities. In
this
way of learning,
students
have golden opportunities to boost their personal teamwork capacity.
Therefore
, the lack of teachers is no longer an important issue. In conclusion, from available justifications,
this
essay
further
reinforces the author’s personal
advocate
Replace the word
advocacy
show examples
for the increasing/rising merit of
technology
to both education and the working environment in recent years.
However
, it has to be conceded that the limited aspects of the wide application of
technology
should be taken into careful account to prevent any possible undesirable
consequence
Fix the agreement mistake
consequences
show examples
.
Submitted by mustafabinothman2003 on

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Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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