IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

The widespread use of the Internet gives people more freedom at home instead of going to work or college. Do you think its advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#internet #people #freedom #home #work #college
The recent computer development has resulted in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 burgeoning number of
people
 working at home and
students
 learning through the Internet.
This
 is definitely positive in some particular aspects. The enhancement of
technology
 can be considered as an effective measure to deal with the lack of employment. It is a driving force for
people
 to operate their own businesses online which can generate a larger income.
For example
, Vietnamese
people
 are witnessing a dramatically growing number of online sales pages
such
 as Tiki or Lazada which earn telephone figure profits per year.
This
 improvement leads us to a distinctively new era of economics/market in which
highly
Change the word
high
show examples
unemployment incidence is no longer a tough and urgent problem for governments.
Therefore
, the development of computer
technology
 is
for sure
Rephrase
certainly
show examples
 necessary and beneficial from
this
 point of view.
This
 aforementioned development
also
 fosters the self-learning competence of undergraduates.
Firstly
,
people
 now are granted access to a huge storage of rewarding knowledge which is especially helpful and relevant to their studies at school. Wikipedia, for a prime example, is used for researching information in
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
such
 terms of history, geography or chemistry by a vast number of
students
 around the world.
Secondly
, social networks
such
 as Facebook and Instagram which are an advance of
technology
 in recent years have empowered
students
 to contact
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
each other and
together
Rephrase
apply
show examples
cope with hard exercises regardless of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
geographic adversities. In
this
 way of learning,
students
 have golden opportunities to boost their personal teamwork capacity.
Therefore
, the lack of teachers is no longer an important issue. In conclusion, from available justifications,
this
 essay
further
 reinforces the author’s personal
advocate
Replace the word
advocacy
show examples
 for the increasing/rising merit of
technology
 to both education and the working environment in recent years.
However
, it has to be conceded that the limited aspects of the wide application of
technology
 should be taken into careful account to prevent any possible undesirable
consequence
Fix the agreement mistake
consequences
show examples
.
Submitted by mustafabinothman2003 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: