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Band 4

Today more and more tourists are visiting places where conditions are difficult such as the Sahara desert and Antarctica. What are the benefits and disadvantages of visiting this area?

#tourists #places #conditions #sahara #desert #antarctica #area
Nowadays it seems to be boring for people to go to
traveling
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travel
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 to some locations where they used to go, people would like to have some exciting experience and their trip, so they choose
Add an article
a place
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place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
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 like
to
Change preposition
apply
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the Sahara desert or
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
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 that ordinary they cannot even name. In
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
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 I will view
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
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 and
drawback
Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
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as
Change preposition
of
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 the Sahara desert
place
. On the one hand, there are more benefits to
visit
Wrong verb form
visiting
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an
Correct your spelling
and
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 exploring new
places
Correct quantifier usage
such as
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as
Change preposition
like
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 Antarctica, as well as, one of the advantages is
that
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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they visit
as
Change preposition
apply
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a unique
place
. They will discover
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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new spaces.
Although
 these
places
 are hot and cold, they like to go and explore unique
places
.
Also
, they will see the scenery of nature that they have never seen in their life,
moreover
, it will be
enjoyment
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enjoyable
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 for them.
One
Correct your spelling
On
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of
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apply
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the other hand, there are two disadvantages of going to like
this
place
,
such
 as it is not a suitable facilities and health damage,
first
 is that if they visit a
place
 like
the
Correct article usage
apply
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Antarctica, there may not be
favorable
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favourable
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 conditions for living in there.
No
Add the punctuation
,No
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 there
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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may not
a
Add a missing verb
be a
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hospital and coffee bars like
this
 as well as these
places
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places'
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temperature
Fix the agreement mistake
temperatures
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 may be high as hot or so cold.
Consequently
Add a comma
,Consequently
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 it will provide
a serious health problems
Correct the article-noun agreement
serious health problems
a serious health problem
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as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
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 skin damage. In conclusion, visiting
such
places
 contains its own excitement.
Nevertheless
, if humanity does
it’s
Replace the word
its
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 job it will make their journey less dangerous and more conscious.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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