IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

It is currently believed that children's behavior and misconduct is due to the lack of strict discipline and punishment applied by parents. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
Nowadays
chidren
Correct your spelling
children
 get angry without any reason because there is
lofty
Correct article usage
a lofty
show examples
 kind of
technology
Use synonyms
 in today's world
parents
Use synonyms
 are giving
technology
Use synonyms
 devices very early to
children
Use synonyms
 their have
technology
Use synonyms
 like
laptop
Add an article
a laptop
show examples
, computer and
playstation
Correct your spelling
PlayStation
 etc
children
Use synonyms
parents
Use synonyms
 should give
technology
Use synonyms
 to
atleast
Correct your spelling
at least
 in their teen period in
this
Linking Words
 current world school going
children
Use synonyms
 to have
smart phones
Correct your spelling
smartphones
show examples
.
Body paragraph 1
So
for
Change preposition
from
show examples
 my
perspective
Add a comma
,perspective
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement since strict
parents
Use synonyms
children
Use synonyms
 are well behaved and have good character and
their
Change the pronoun
they
show examples
also
Linking Words
 perform
good
Change the adjective
well
show examples
 in school. As a
consquence
Correct your spelling
consequence
 punishment should be given to
children
Use synonyms
 very slightly not
to
Correct your spelling
too
show examples
 harshly. Elders should have good character
Use synonyms
infront
Correct your spelling
in front
 of
children
Use synonyms
 since
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 say that
children
Use synonyms
 learn what their do.
Body paragraph 2
Parents
Use synonyms
 should spend
few
Correct quantifier usage
little
show examples
 time
to be
Change the verb form
being
show examples
 their
children
Use synonyms
 when
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
 are sitting idly or
speak
Wrong verb form
speaking
show examples
good
Change the word
well
show examples
Use synonyms
infront
Correct your spelling
in front
 of
Use synonyms
children
Correct pronoun usage
their children
show examples
.
For
Linking Words
instance
Add a comma
,instance
show examples
 if
children
Use synonyms
 do
mistake
Fix the agreement mistake
mistakes
show examples
 in few times
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
 should convince them nicely not
to
Correct your spelling
too
show examples
 harshly.
Parents
Use synonyms
 should not always compare other kids
Use synonyms
infront
Correct your spelling
in front
 of their
children
Use synonyms
. But should speak
softly
Change the adverb
soft
show examples
 words and tell them you can
also
Linking Words
 do my son/daughter.
Conclusion
In
summarize
Replace the word
summary
show examples
 if
children
Use synonyms
 see that other
parents
Use synonyms
 are
lofty
Correct article usage
a lofty
show examples
 amount of love and
we
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 are not getting
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
 kind of love from
our
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
 so their
well
Correct your spelling
will
show examples
get
Change the verb form
gets
show examples
 mental issues like anxiety and stress trauma. So getting love from
parents
Use synonyms
children
Use synonyms
 will good upbringing and
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
 will behave well
Use synonyms
infront
Correct your spelling
in front
 of society.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: