IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that humans should be able to use animals for their own benefits, while others argue that the rights of animals should be protected. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #humans #animals #rights
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A few individuals think that
animals
 ought to use for
humans
Change noun form
humans'
human's
show examples
 personal
advantages
Fix the agreement mistake
advantage
show examples
, whereas another group of
people
 believe that
animals
Change noun form
animals'
animal's
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 right must be under the
protect
Replace the word
protection
show examples
 of
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
. In my opinion,  
animals
 should be defended with some rights
as
Change preposition
apply
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like humans
instead
 of using them like a slave. For most, using
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
animals
 to do some hard
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 can be beneficial for our
benefits
Fix the agreement mistake
benefit
show examples
. They think by  doing overwork with the help of
animals
 can be much easier and save lots of time as well as money.
Therefore
, they
prefer
Add the particle
toprefer
show examples
 do hard works with
animals
 because of
such
 kind of reasons.
For example
, my uncle has been using donkeys for about 10 years as
Correct article usage
a delivery
show examples
delivery
Correct article usage
a delivery
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 service,
carry
Wrong verb form
carrying
show examples
 out
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Remove the article
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
some heavy luggage from one place to another.
However
, I believe that government should impose the rule about
protect
Change the verb form
protecting
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
animals
 from using them for only
humans
Change the noun form
human
show examples
 benefits.
Main
Add an article
The main
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 reason why is that most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Add an article
the people
show examples
 utilizing from
animals
 extremely
Correct article usage
a lots
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lots
Fix the agreement mistake
lot
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 of time, and they are  infecting some
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
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 even some of them
dying
Wrong verb form
die
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 out by working hard.
Thus
,
animals
 should have
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
independence
Replace the word
independent
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 feeling during
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life.
For instance
, in the
Hindiston
Correct your spelling
Hindustan
country
Add a comma
,country
show examples
 most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Add an article
the people
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 appreciate
animals
especially
Add the comma(s)
,especially
show examples
 cows and feed them
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good meals even though they do not eat themselves. To conclude,
although
 there are some views of
people
 who are thinking about utilizing
animals
 for our
advantages
Fix the agreement mistake
advantage
show examples
, I feel that putting some rules about defending pets can be
more handy
Replace the words
handier
show examples
.
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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • animal rights
  • exploitation
  • ethical considerations
  • biodiversity
  • ecosystem balance
  • animal welfare
  • suffering
  • humane treatment
  • medical research
  • environmental sustainability
  • natural food chain
  • technological alternatives
What to do next:
Look at other essays: