IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The increase in the production of consumer goods results in damage to the natural environment. What are the causes of this? What can be done to solve this problem?

#production #consumer #goods #results #damage #environment
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In recent years, an
increase
Use synonyms
 in the manufacture of consumer goods has been seen. While
this
Linking Words
 is connected to population growth, it has resulted in an
increase
Use synonyms
 in a detrimental effect
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the environment. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 I will look at 2 possible causes for
this
Linking Words
 as well as suggest some solutions. Due to the
extreme
Change the adjective
extremely
show examples
 high volumes of manufacturers in order to meet the increasing demand
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 products, there has been an
increase
Use synonyms
 in
factory produced
Add a hyphen
factory-produced
show examples
 CO2 gases.
This
Linking Words
 is because the manufacturing processes have not become more efficient as quantities have risen. In China
Linking Words
for
Add the comma(s)
,for
show examples
 example, many new
factories
Use synonyms
 have sprung up over the
last
Linking Words
 few decades resulting in huge quantities of pollution being fed into the air. If
factories
Use synonyms
 were to spend
funding
Add an article
the funding
show examples
 on researching more efficient manufacturing processes, the amount of polluted air would be decreased. Manufacturers in their numbers
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 should concentrate on reducing CO2 production. With the
increase
Use synonyms
 of factory workers, there has been a matching
increase
Use synonyms
 in the transportation of these workers to the facilities.
In addition
Linking Words
 to
this
Linking Words
, there is an obvious rise in the transportation of products, all of which has resulted in higher Carbon gas emissions
form
Correct your spelling
from
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 vehicles involved in the process. The number of
busses
Correct your spelling
buses
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 and trucks carrying labourers
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
and products from the
factories
Use synonyms
 in China have added to the already polluted atmosphere in the country. Improved and more efficient vehicles using no fossil fuels,
such
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 as
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
electric vehicles, or less fuel will improve
this
Linking Words
 situation. Transportation accounts for a large percentage of the
worlds
Change noun form
world's
show examples
 total carbon gas production. While it is understandable that we need more manufacturing facilities for the ever-increasing world population, we need
factories
Use synonyms
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 take environmental issues seriously. Factory management
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 to ask themselves the question, "are we doing enough to minimize our carbon footprint?
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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • production
  • consumer goods
  • natural environment
  • damage
  • causes
  • overconsumption
  • demand
  • environmental regulations
  • enforcement
  • natural resources
  • industrial pollution
  • waste
  • inadequate
  • waste management practices
  • public awareness
  • education
  • sustainable alternatives
  • stricter environmental laws
  • recycling
  • responsible consumption
  • clean technologies
  • renewable energy
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