IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

PROPOSITION: Sending criminals to prison is not an effective method of dealing with them. Education and job training should be used instead. PROMPT: To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#proposition #criminals #prison #method #education #job
It is often argued that
prison
 for criminals is not
best
Add an article
the best
show examples
 solution to tackle
this
 issue and
instead
 of
this
 learning new things could be
usefull
Correct your spelling
useful
 for them. I totally agree with
this
phonomenon
Correct your spelling
phenomenon
 and believe that it is the best practical way
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
 problem.
To begin
 with, the
first
 and the most reason why I agree with
this
 idea is that it
decrases
Correct your spelling
decreases
 crime events. What is more, it may
assists
Wrong verb form
assist
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
 after their punishments.
This
 means, if a
quilty
Correct your spelling
guilty
show examples
 person
send
Change the verb form
sends
show examples
 to
prison
instead
 of some
benefit
Replace the word
beneficial
show examples
 solutions, it may be
more
Add an article
a more
the more
show examples
 dangerous character for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
.
For instance
,
acoording
Correct your spelling
according
 to many comprehensive studies, prisoners who participate
some
Change preposition
in some
show examples
 educational
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 can mix
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
other
Change preposition
with other
show examples
people
 after
prison
.
Hence
, I strongly think that it is
very
Add an article
a very
show examples
 impressive solution to overcome
this
 problem.
Moreover
, another reason why I agree with
this
phonomenon
Correct your spelling
phenomenon
 is that it develops
sense
Add an article
a sense
show examples
 of security.
In other words
, if prisoners eliminate
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
, they may not participate illegal ways, so
people
 could live together
more
Change preposition
in more
show examples
 comfortable
environmets
Correct your spelling
environment
environments
.
For example
, in Norway, many quilty
people
Add a missing verb
are encorage
show examples
encorage
Correct your spelling
encourage
encouraged
 to learn new job skills and
variety
Correct article usage
a variety
show examples
academic
Change preposition
of academic
show examples
 education.
As a result
 of
this
situations
Fix the agreement mistake
situation
show examples
, the crime rate is less than
other
Change preposition
in other
show examples
countires
Correct your spelling
countries
.
Therefore
, I believe that it is
playing
Wrong verb form
plays
show examples
 a key role to create
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
society
. In conclusion,
instead
 of only sending
prison
,
give
Wrong verb form
giving
show examples
 some compulsory education to prisoners is
very
Add an article
the very
a very
show examples
 effective notion and I agree with it because of reducing
crime
Correct article usage
the crime
show examples
 rate and improving
sense
Add an article
the sense
a sense
show examples
 of security. If
this solutions
Change the determiner
this solution
these solutions
show examples
 are put into practice,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 will have
benefical
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 consequences for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
.
Submitted by orhanveli2006 on

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