IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that if old spend time and get along with others and exercise everydau they will become fit. However , these day older people are usually lonely and do not talk to others which makes them unfit and unhappy. Whta are the reason fot this? How can this be resolved?

#people #time #exercise #everydau #whta #reason #fot #be
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In the modern era , due to the
uses
Fix the agreement mistake
use
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 of mobile
phones
masses
 easily get information from google . Few individuals believe older like to spend their old
time
 with
others
 and they become more fit , whereas at present they do not like to talk with
others
 . I totally agree with
this
 statement and will discuss
reasons
Correct article usage
the reasons
show examples
 along with the solution in the upcoming paragraphs.
To begin
 ,
with
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apply
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the cause of
that is
 why
masses
Correct article usage
the masses
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 do not like to spend their
time
 with
others
 .
First
Correct article usage
The first
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 and foremost reason is that with the overuse of
phones
 and the
internet
Add a comma
,internet
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 people do not like to spend their
time
 without their cellphone because there
are
Change the verb form
is
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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habit of it as well as they are getting more knowledge about the world with just one click on google
that is
 making them feel lonely because they have a habit of using
phones
 and their bonds of relation maybe finish due to overuse of cellphone because they need
time
 as well as care from a person which each
masses
 not giving to
others
 and they near to end of their relations .
For example
 , in the year , 2015 a survey was conducted by UNO which was indicating about 75% of people lose their relationships due to spending their
time
 on mobile
phones
 rather
then
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than
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 folks .
Moreover
 , individuals have
busy
Add an article
a busy
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schedule
Fix the agreement mistake
schedules
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from
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their companies and
it`s
Correct your spelling
its
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 pressure makes them unfit because they have
work
 which is only done on the computer so
for
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apply
show examples
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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 they have a fixed place to
work
 in offices and eating habits are more than any exercise so it is making them
obesity
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obese
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.
On the other hand
 , there are
also
 some solutions to overcome
this
 issue. If companies provide high prices on the internet so
masses
 do not like to buy plans or they like to talk with
others
 to gain more knowledge and they never feel lonely in any part of the world .
For instance
 , in the year , 2015 when prices of net packs were high and folks did not purchase any packs as well as they have
a
Correct article usage
apply
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healthly
Correct your spelling
healthy
lifestyles
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyle
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.
Furthermore
, if bosses provide less
work
 to their employees so
masses
Correct article usage
the masses
show examples
 can give good results to their companies rather than more negative results and individuals have
time
 to spend with their family to make a strong bond of relations as well as they can do exercise for good health . In conclusion, if
masses
Correct article usage
the masses
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 learn the value of their own people
then
 it is possible to make love in the world or one day it is maybe hate free and doing jobs under less
work
 is
Add an article
a benefit
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benefit
Replace the word
beneficial
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 for their company as well as they have
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 capacity to think new ideas for their company .
Submitted by gurkiratbadesha36 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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