IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

in some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. it is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food

#countries #people #health #food #governments #tax
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In a few
nations
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,nations
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 more
people
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 experience medical complications due to consuming fast
food
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 excessively. as an option to limit
such
Linking Words
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problem
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problems
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, some believe that authorities should enforce more charges on
this
Linking Words
 type of
food
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. UNDOUBTEDLY the habit of eating fast
food
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 brings MORE
health
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 problems,
HOWEVER
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,
i
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I
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 disagree with THE suggested solution. I WILL DISCUSS MY VIEW IN
THIS
Linking Words
 ESSAY TO COMMENCE WITH, THERA ARE MANY REASONS
MADE
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THAT MADE
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PEOPLE
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TO
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apply
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RELY ON FAST
FOOD
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.
FIRST
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,
THE
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THEY
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 BELIEVE IT IS A FASTER WAY TO GET THEIR MAEL AFTER A LONG DAY WORKING
,
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apply
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 BECAUSE THEY DO NOT HAVE TIME TO PREPARE ONE
IN
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AT
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 THE HOME.
ALSO
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,
THIS
Linking Words
 KIND OF
FOOD
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 TATSE DUE TO THE USE
HEAVY
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OF HEAVY
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 OIL IN PREPARING IT.
AS A RESULT
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,
PEOPLE
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 GET OBESE AND ARE MORE PRONE TO HEART COMPLICATIONS
SUCH
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 AS HYPERTENSION. TO OVERCOME
THIS
Linking Words
 HURDLE, A
TEAM WORK
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TEAMWORK
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 CONSIST OF DOCTORS, NURSES AND
PHARMACIST
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PHARMACISTS
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EDUCATE
Wrong verb form
EDUCATING
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PATEINTS
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PATIENTS
 BY HOLDING SEMINARS AND GATHERING ABOUT THE
HEALT
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HEALTH
 CONSEQUENCES OF
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A HIGH
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HIGH FAT
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HIGH-FAT
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DIET
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.  
SECONDLY
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, APPLYING MORE TAXES TO LIMIT
THIS
Linking Words
 PHENOMENON WOULD BRING DAMAGING OUTCOMES.
FOR EXAMPLE
Linking Words
, IF MORE TAXES WERE IMPOSED
OF
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ON
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THIS
Linking Words
 KIND OF
FOOD
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,
RESTURANTS
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RESTAURANTS
 OR OTHER BUSINESS
WHO
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THAT
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 PRODUCE
THIS
Linking Words
FOOD
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 WILL BE IMPAIRED.
THIS
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 COULD RESULT IN CLOSING BUSINESSES
LAY
Wrong verb form
LAYING
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 OFF WORKERS AND
THEN
Linking Words
 HARMING THE COMMUNITY.
FURTHERMORE
Linking Words
,
TAXE
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TAX
 INCREMENATION MIGHT NOT LIMIT THE
HEALTH
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PROBLEM
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 BECAUSE
PEOPLE
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 STILL TEND TO BUY FAST
FOOD
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 EVEN IF IT COST MORE. TO
TAKLE
Correct your spelling
TACKLE
 THE FAST
FOOD
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PROBLEM
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, GOVERNMENT COULD FUND
DIET
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 PROGRAMMES FOR WHOM
NOT
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ARE NOT
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 ABLE TO
CONTRAL
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CONTROL
 THEIR
DIET
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. IN CONCLUSION, DESPITE THE FACT THAT THE BUSY
PEOPLE
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 DO NOT HAVE TIME TO COOK ,
Linking Words
THIS
Correct pronoun usage
THEY
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 MAKE NO CHOICE OTHER THAN FAST
FOOD
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, IT IS MORE DAMAGING TO THE
HEALTH
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 ESPECIALLY
ON
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IN
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 THE LONG RUN. THE PROPOSED SOLUTION OF INCREASING TAXES WILL HAVE
LIMITED
Correct article usage
A LIMITED
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 IMPACT ON
THIS
Linking Words
PROBLEM
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.
BESIDES
Linking Words
, CAN HARM LOCAL BUSINESSES. IN MY OPINION, MORE
HEALTH
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WORKER
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WORKERS
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 SHOULD COME TOGETHER IN PROMOTING HEALTHY
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DIET
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DIETS
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 AND AUTHORITIES CAN ALLOCATE MONEY TO PROPOSE
DIET
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 PROGRAMMES.
Submitted by rashidziad94 on

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Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • heart disease
  • health outcomes
  • healthcare costs
  • consumer behavior
  • socio-economic backgrounds
  • ethical implications
  • public health campaigns
  • subsidies
  • regulations
  • nutritional content
  • healthier food options
  • government intervention
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