IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In some countries, secondary schools aim to provide a general education across a range of subjects. In others, children focus on a narrow range of subjects related to a particular career. Which do you think is appropriate in today’s world?

#countries #schools #aim #education #range #subjects #children #focus #career #today’s #world
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
this
Linking Words
 day and age,
education
Use synonyms
 has become more accessible to every age, especially children. In many countries, schools aim to provide a general-training course that goes through a wide range of
subjects
Use synonyms
, while in other countries, the
education
Use synonyms
 system only focuses on
subjects
Use synonyms
 that are related to a specific career path. From my point of view, a general course could be more suitable for kids, as it would help a child’s development to be more well-rounded and greatly benefit their
future
Use synonyms
 careers.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, a diversified course would help students attain
knowledge
Use synonyms
 in several aspects. In general courses, each subject is equally important and children have to put the same amount of effort into learning these
subjects
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 would help to broaden their horizon and enrich themselves with social, cultural as well as academic skills and
knowledge
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, history classes would provide kids with a chance to learn about the glorious past of their forefathers, while math and literature would strengthen their in-depth
knowledge
Use synonyms
 for
future
Use synonyms
 careers and higher
education
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, a well-rounded
education
Use synonyms
 system
also
Linking Words
 helps children to make better job decisions and increase their chances to land a better job. With these courses, students are exposed to a vast range of
subjects
Use synonyms
,
thus
Linking Words
 they can identify the major they are interested in and do more research in
this
Linking Words
 field, allowing them to decide on the right career path in the
future
Use synonyms
.
Last
Linking Words
 but not least, nowadays the labour market is highly competitive, and professional
knowledge
Use synonyms
 alone would not be enough to land a good job.
For example
Linking Words
, employers would prefer workers who not only have in-depth
knowledge
Use synonyms
 in the required fields but
also
Linking Words
 are proficient in Excel and other Microsoft applications. In conclusion, a broad
education
Use synonyms
 system is more appropriate in our era, as it would provide students with a broad perspective, enabling them to decide on a suitable career path in the
future
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by duongntt.tld on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: